The Neighbors Blogathon–Top 5 Funniest Ricardo/Mertz Feuds

Ed and Trixie Norton. Barney and Betty Rubble. Rhoda Morgenstern. Abner and Gladys Kravitz. Classic television is full of iconic neighbors. The most iconic of all neighbors, I would argue, are Fred and Ethel Mertz (William Frawley and Vivian Vance)–the neighbors and landlords of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo (Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz) on I Love Lucy. The Ricardos and Mertzes have a unique relationship in that not only are Lucy and Ricky tenants in the Mertzes’ New York City brownstone at 623 E. 68th Street, they are also best friends. One has to wonder how the other tenants, Mrs. Trumbull, Grace Foster, Mrs. Lewis, Albert in 4B who needs to eat his lunch, the Bensons, and countless others feel about their landlords’ close relationship with one of their fellow tenants. The Ricardos, no doubt receive special treatment from their friends.

Regardless, the other tenants don’t matter because I Love Lucy is about the Ricardos and Mertzes. Like all people who have been in close 10+ year long relationships, there are bound to be some disagreements. Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel are four different people, they aren’t going to get along 100% all the time. For every five episodes where everyone gets along, there will be an episode with an argument. One of the best parts of I Love Lucy is the way that the show will pair up the characters in an argument. Sometimes Lucy and Ricky will be at odds, other times it’ll be Lucy and Ethel, sometimes it could be the Mertzes versus the Ricardos, there are even episodes with Lucy, Ethel and Fred teaming up against Ricky.

In this blog entry, I would like to focus on the five funniest feuds that took place on I Love Lucy, featuring any combination of the characters.

Ethel’s hostess pants. Frankly, I think Lucy would look great in the outfit she describes. I would have loved to have seen Lucy wear them in a later episode.

#1 Ethel’s Birthday

It’s Ethel’s birthday in this episode and it’s hysterical. Through dialogue, we learn that Ethel’s age falls between the Speedy Cleaners’ 40th Birthday and Goldblatt’s Delicatessen’s 50th. Lucy and Ricky plan to gift a set of tickets to Frank Loesser’s latest show–“Over the Teacups,” the hottest show in town. For his gift, Fred enlists Lucy’s help to pick something out for Ethel. Fred claims that Ethel hinted that she wanted a toaster. Lucy is aghast, telling Fred that women don’t want something practical like a toaster. They want a “gifty gift.” Lucy ends up picking out a pair of harlequined, sequined “hostess pants.” While we only see the pants in black and white, I like to imagine that they have black, orange and yellow diamonds with a white background and gold sequins.

Ethel finds her gift in the closet and opens the hostess pants in front of Lucy. Ethel is disgusted, stating that “these (the pants) make Fred’s other gifts look great.” Lucy tries to defend the pants, but Ethel is not persuaded. When Ethel makes a crack that she’d like to see what idiot talked Fred into these pants, Lucy admits that it was her idea. Ethel is flabbergasted that Lucy could think she wanted these pants. Lucy is insulted that Ethel hated her gift. This scene culminates into Lucy calling Ethel old and fat.

Eventually, the time comes for the Ricardos and Mertzes to go to the Broadway show. Lucy and Ethel end up seated next to each other and continue their feud–much to the annoyance of everyone, but especially the man behind them. The funniest part of this scene is when Lucy asks to borrow Fred’s binoculars and he declares “I don’t care!” Ethel and Lucy continue playing tug o’ war with the binoculars until the man behind them has had enough. He grabs the binoculars, cracks them in half and gives one side to each woman. Ethel grabs both pieces and slides them under the seat, looking sheepishly at Fred, hoping he doesn’t notice. The play features some dialogue that hits close to home and brings Lucy and Ethel to tears and mends their broken friendship. The two women finish watching the play arm in arm.

LUCY: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Mertz. I hope you live another 75 years!

ETHEL: She (Lucy) said I looked like a hippopotamus.
LUCY: I merely intimated that she was a little hippy; but on second glance, she does have the biggest ‘potamus’ I’ve ever seen!

Lucille Ball as “Lucy” and Vivian Vance as “Ethel” in I Love Lucy

The Ricardos and Mertzes settle things with a pie fight.

#2 The Diner

Ricky Ricardo is sick and tired of the nightclub game. After a particularly bad evening featuring an act that was a no-call, no-show, and losing power, he dramatically declares that he’s done with show business. Looking through the classifieds, Ricky finds a for sale listing for a diner. Ricky expresses his dream to open a diner that sells Cuban-style food. He proposes the idea to Fred who is intrigued. Soon the two men go into business together and the diner, “Little Bit of Cuba,” is born. The original arrangement has Lucy and Ricky in the front of the house greeting and seating customers, Fred taking and giving orders, and Ethel cooking in the back. However, the Mertzes soon tire of doing all the hard work while Lucy and Ricky chat with the customers and talk about how easy running a diner is–or as Fred puts it, “leading a gay social whirl up front.” The Mertzes suggest to the Ricardos that they switch places. Ricky is incensed, stating that “[he] has the name” and Fred “has the know-how.” Fred doesn’t care and wants a break.

The Mertzes walk off the job leaving the Ricardos to run the diner. Ricky greets, seats and waits on the guests while Lucy is cooking. However, despite there only being four customers who arrive at different times, Lucy is unable to keep up with the rush. Eventually, the Mertzes return, wanting Ricky to buy out Fred’s share. Unable to afford to do so, the couples end up splitting the diner, with “Little Bit of Cuba” on one side and “Big Hunk of America” on the other. The funniest scene has Lucy and Ethel trying to one-up each other to win the business of the drunk at the counter. Ethel offers 1-cent hamburgers. Lucy gives the drunk $1 so he can order 100 hamburgers. Eventually this rivalry leads to an all out pie fight with every character getting a pie in the kisser. The episode ends with the original owner returning under the guise of missing the old place. He sells the place back to the Ricardos and Mertzes at a lower cost than what they paid. The owner then admits to the drunk that he makes a fortune selling and buying the same diner over and over to people who want to go into business themselves.

RICKY: Where’s your ‘know-how’ now? We’ve got no customers no how!

Desi Arnaz as “Ricky” in I Love Lucy

I don’t know why, but Lucy with her hat on her bandaged head makes me laugh.

#3 Fred and Ethel Fight

Fred and Ethel are fighting and have been fighting long enough for Fred to be living at the YMCA. Ethel is miserable and Fred seemingly is having the time of his life. Wanting her friends to get back together, Lucy invites Ethel and Fred over for dinner without the other knowing. At dinner time, Ethel and Fred are none too pleased to learn that they’ve been duped. However, not wanting to turn down a free meal, both agree to stay. They eventually work things out and are back together. However, Lucy and Ricky end up getting into an argument while trying to tell Fred and Ethel about an argument that they had and resolved. Lucy is convinced she put an end to the argument while Ricky says that he did. The evening ends up concluding with Ricky dramatically leaving. For the next few days, Ricky and Lucy are estranged and the Mertzes try to get them back together.

Lucy comes up with a scheme to make Ricky feel sorry for her. She wants to pretend like she was run over by a bus. She puts on a full body cast and bandages her head. Meanwhile, Ricky and Fred eventually come up with a scheme to make Lucy take Ricky back. With the help of a fog machine and a whistle, they make Lucy think that their apartment is on fire. Ricky is in the apartment yelling, making it sound like he’s trying to force his way into the bedroom to save her. Lucy, frantic that the apartment is on fire, and still wearing her full body cast, starts packing. The funniest scene has her wearing a hat on top of her bandaged head, carrying jugs of henna rinse out of the bathroom. Lucy fashions a rope out of bedsheets and jumps out the window–except oops, she forgot to tie the rope to something heavy. Luckily the Mertzes’ awning breaks her fall. Ricky finds Lucy outside and the two make up.

FRED: She said my mother looks like a weasel!
LUCY: Ethel, apologize!
ETHEL: I’m sorry your mother looks like a weasel.

William Frawley as “Fred,” Lucille Ball as “Lucy,” and Vivian Vance as “Ethel” in I Love Lucy.

The Ricardos and Mertzes watch the washing machine fall over the railing.

#4 Never Do Business With Friends

In this episode, Ricky surprises Lucy with a brand-new washing machine. I guess the Handy Dandy washing machine he bought her twenty episodes prior was no longer cutting it. Knowing that the Ricardos have an extra washing machine, it is suggested that the Mertzes buy it. Ricky is against the idea, stating that he does not want to damage their friendship doing business with one another. The Mertzes and Lucy think he’s being silly and assure him that it’ll be fine. However, Ricky’s fears come true when the washing machine breaks before the sale goes through. The Mertzes immediately want to renege on the deal despite having taken possession of the washing machine. This leads to an argument between the two couples.

In one of the funniest scenes of the episode, Ethel tries to push the washing machine in front of the Ricardos’ kitchen door–thereby washing the Mertzes’ hands of it. Lucy sees it and pushes it back in front of the Mertzes’ door. Lucy and Ethel are soon head-to-head trying to push the machine towards each other. Mrs. Trumbull (Elizabeth Patterson) sees them and breaks up the fight. She suggests she has her repairman nephew take a look and see if he can fix it. The next day, Mrs. Trumbull’s nephew looks over the washing machine and offers to pay more money than what the Ricardos were charging the Mertzes.

Now the Mertzes are more than happy to take the machine and the Ricardos are more than happy to take the machine back. The two couples start fighting over the washing machine and end up pushing it through the railing, three stories up. Hopefully nobody was on the sidewalk below. The washing machine presumably explodes into a million pieces–leading Lucy to say the funniest line of the entire episode:

LUCY: Look what happened to your washing machine!

Lucille Ball as “Lucy” in I Love Lucy

Lucy and Ricky try to get the Mertzes’ TV downstairs–while keeping the bow looking nice.

#5 The Courtroom

It’s the Mertzes’ 25th wedding anniversary! The Ricardos have decided that they’ll give the Mertzes the very generous gift of a brand-new television set. Lucy has the television set delivered to her and Ricky’s apartment, despite the Mertzes living one floor down. There’s a hysterical scene of Lucy and Ricky trying to carry the television set downstairs. At one point Ricky has it on his back, shimmying himself down one stair at a time, falling on the next stair with a thud. Lucy is unconcerned with Ricky’s pain and discomfort, she just wants to make sure the bow looks nice.

The Ricardos finally get the television downstairs and joyfully present it to the Mertzes. Their friends are excited, obviously and the couples try out the set. While watching television, it is decided that the picture needs adjusted. Ricky just happens to have tools on him and goes to work fixing it. He and Fred argue over adjusting the television. Ricky’s adjustments go awry however when the tube explodes, breaking the set. In retaliation, Fred runs upstairs and kicks the Ricardos’ screen in–leaving both couples with a broken television set. Negotiations for repairs of each television set fall apart, leading the Ricardos and Mertzes to sue each other.

Ricky, clearly breaking the law, makes Lucy rehearse her “spontaneous” testimony–complete with stage directions that include looking adoringly at Ricky, snarling at the Mertzes, and lifting her skirt a little higher to show some leg. Then the court day arrives and Lucy is called to the stand. Lucy’s “spontaneous” testimony paints Ricky in an angelic light, stating that he’s a “electronics specialist” and makes Fred seem insane. Lucy says “with a fiendish gleam in his eye and flecks of foam on his lips, he went straight to our television set and kicked the glass in.” She then lifts her skirt and shows some leg, which seems to excite the judge a little. Then it’s Ethel’s turn. She gives the same type of testimony, except she claims that Ricky hacked at the Mertzes’ television set with an axe, then forced everyone to go to his and Lucy’s apartment where he picked up Fred’s leg and pushed it through the glass. The funniest part of this scene is when Ethel tries to lift her skirt higher to show a little leg and Fred comes over and pulls it back down, accusing Ethel of trying to lose the case.

Eventually, the judge insists on recreating the incident. He has the bailiff bring out his television set and they recreate the incident. During the re-creation, the judge walks the Mertzes and Ricardos through their respective testimonies until both parties admit that their stories were fake and they’re equally responsible. Ricky also states that the explosion occurred because there were two loose wires on the back of the set, which he attributed to the stairs. He says he put the wires together and the set exploded. The Ricardos and Mertzes agree to pay for each other’s television sets and leave the courtroom. The judge, not convinced of Ricky’s claim that the wires caused the explosion, puts the two wires together and blows out the tube of his television set.

LUCY: Honey! Be careful of the bow!
RICKY: Be careful with the bow?!

Lucille Ball as “Lucy” and Desi Arnaz as “Ricky” in I Love Lucy

HONORABLE MENTION: Breaking the Lease. The Ricardos stage a midnight practice with Ricky’s entire band in hopes of convincing the Mertzes to kick them out. Forget about the other tenants.