4th Luso World Cinema Blogathon–Favorite Mary Astor Performances

The Luso World Cinema Blogathon is an annual event hosted by Spellbound with Beth Ann and Critica Retro. I’ll admit that I didn’t know anything about Luso cinema, in fact, I didn’t know what “Luso” meant. Research revealed that “Luso” is a prefix used in relation to Portugal and Portuguese culture. From reading through the list of actors/actresses of Portuguese heritage, I learned that one of my favorites, Mary Astor, fits this description.

Mary Astor was born Lucile Vasconcellos Langhanke in Quincy, Illinois on May 3, 1906. Her father was German and her mother was American. Mary got her Portuguese heritage from her mother. Mary was homeschooled by her mother until 1919 when she sent a photo of herself to a beauty contest and became a semi-finalist. When she was 15, she began taking drama lessons and appearing in local productions. Mary submitted her photos to other beauty contests, eventually catching the attention of an employee at Famous Players-Lasky. She was then signed to a six-month contract at Paramount. Mary would eventually make her screen debut in 1921 at the age of 14.

Mary’s career in silent film had its ups and downs. In 1929, she briefly found herself out of work as her voice was deemed too deep for talkies. However, she appeared in a play with her friend Florence Eldridge (wife of Fredric March) which ended up getting her back into films. She started being cast in films again and was on her way to stardom. In 1935, Mary had an extra-marital affair and was later embroiled in a bitter custody dispute with her ex-husband. In many cases, an adulteress’ career would be over, but the scandal seemed to have little effect on her career. Mary would eventually win the Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1941 for her role in The Great Lie.

Mary Astor’s career reached its peak in the 1940s with her Oscar win and appearance in the film noir classic, The Maltese Falcon, as Brigid O’Shaugnessy. As what happened with a lot of actresses back then, as soon as Mary hit 40 she was seen as a “mother” figure and was often cast in more matronly roles such as matriarch Anna Smith in Meet Me in St. Louis and Marmee in Little Women. Some of Astor’s best roles however come during this time when she took on against-type parts, such as playing a prostitute in Act of Violence or a madam in Desert Fury. Mary made her final appearance in 1964 in the small, but important role of Jewel Mayhew in Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte.

Mary Astor had a lot of great roles in her long career. Here are my top 5 favorite Mary Astor performances:

Walter Huston and Mary Astor in “Dodsworth.”

#1 Dodsworth (1936). In this film, Mary plays “the other woman,” a role which typically isn’t sympathetic and is usually villainous. However, in Dodsworth, Mary’s performance as Edith Cortright and relationship with Walter Huston’s Sam Dodsworth is so beautiful that she is seen as the woman that Sam deserves. In this film, Sam and his wife Fran (Ruth Chatterton)’s daughter is all grown and married. Fran cannot accept being old enough to have a grown and married daughter. Sam retires and hopes to live a life of leisure with Fran. They’re planning on starting their retirement with an extended European vacation. While on the ocean liner, Sam meets Edith and Fran meets a young Englishman (David Niven) with whom she flirts. Sam ends up spending much of his time on the boat with Edith. While in Europe, Fran wants to be part of the jet set, spending her time living the high life while pretending to be much younger. Sam just wants to see the sights. As the Dodsworths find themselves growing apart, through a chance encounter, Sam reunites with Edith.

Mary’s performance in Dodsworth is very charming and sweet. She is what the film needs to offset the vain and materialistic Fran. While she is the “other woman” so to speak, Sam is such a nice guy and Fran is so awful, that we as the audience want Sam and Edith to be together.

Mary Astor and Joel McCrea in “The Palm Beach Story.”

#2 The Palm Beach Story (1942). Mary Astor’s performance in this film is unlike any other part that I’ve seen her play. While she doesn’t seem like the obvious choice to appear in a Preston Sturges screwball comedy, Mary is right at home. In this film, she plays the oft-married Princess Maud Centimillia. At the start of the film, she’s on her way home to Palm Beach, FL with her latest conquest, Toto. She pulls up to the dock in her yacht and immediately wants to drop Toto for Tom Jeffers (Joel McCrea). Tom is in town looking for his wife, Gerry (Claudette Colbert) who has traveled to Palm Beach from New York. While on the train to Florida, Gerry meets the Princess’ brother, John D. Hackensacker III (Rudy Vallee). John is instantly smitten with Gerry and takes her back to his home to give her a place to stay.

Mary Astor’s performance as the Princess is hysterical. Even though she’s taken Toto as her lover, she wants nothing to do with him as soon as she spots Joel McCrea. Her disdain for Toto is so clear and obvious, but he’s a dope and doesn’t pick up on it. The Princess constantly has to think of errands to send Toto on so she’ll go away. She’s also very funny when Gerry introduces her husband as “Captain McGlue” in an effort to hide the fact that he’s her husband. When Tom later reveals that he is not Captain McGlue, the Princess says: “Thank heaven for some things. That name!”

Clark Gable and Mary Astor in “Red Dust.”

#3 Red Dust (1933) In this film, Mary plays Barbara Willis, the wealthy wife of Gary (Gene Raymond) who is sent to oversee a rubber plantation in French Indochina. The manager of the rubber plantation is Dennis Carson (Clark Gable). Another visitor to the plantation is Vantine (Jean Harlow), a young prostitute on the lam. Vantine is instantly smitten with Dennis and he seems interested in her until he sees Barbara. Barbara is the polar opposite of Vantine. She is brunette, more classy and ladylike. In contrast, Vantine is a bleached blonde, a brash, and outspoken. Gary ends up coming down with malaria, which puts him out of commission and more importantly, away from Barbara. Dennis spends the week of Barbara’s visit seducing her until she finally succumbs to his advances. Meanwhile, Vantine looks on with intense jealousy.

This is a very sexy part for Mary Astor. She is given the chance to have the hot and heavy affair with the hunky Clark Gable. The entire film is sweaty and it feels sweaty. At one point, Barbara is caught in the rain and is drenched. She then shares a sexy kiss with Gable.

Mary Astor and John Barrymore in “Midnight.”

#4 Midnight (1939) In this film, Mary plays the wealthy Helene Flammarion, the wife of Georges Flammrion (John Barrymore). She is very openly having an affair with ladies man, Jacques Picot (Frances Lederer). At the beginning of the film, Eve Peabody (Claudette Colbert) crashes a concert attended by members of the Parisian high society. She ends up running into Marcel Renaud (Rex O’Malley) who invites her to play bridge with himself, Helene, and Jacques. Eve introduces herself as “Madame Czerny.” Georges enters the room and sees Eve. He pretends to recognize Madame Czerny.

Georges comes up with a scheme to break up his wife and Jacques. He proposes to Eve that she try and break up Jacques and Helene. If she succeeds, Georges will give her a good payoff to reward her for her efforts. He will also give her 50,000 francs and invites her to his and Helene’s home in Versailles for the weekend. Georges also puts Eve up in a suite at the Ritz and buys her a new wardrobe, worthy of her persona as Madame Czerny. Meanwhile, cab driver Tibor Czerny (Don Ameche) is looking for Eve, having fallen in love with her while her drove her around town. When he finally finds her, he is amused that she’s taken on his surname as her fake royalty name.

While Mary Astor is more of a side character in this film, she is very funny in her part as John Barrymore’s unfaithful wife. She has absolutely no discretion in her affair with Jacques. Mary excels in these parts playing a bit of a goody two shoes, but also classy and a bit rigid. She’s also great at delivering her lines with a bit of bitterness, cynicism, while also being very funny.

Mary Astor and Humphrey Bogart in “The Maltese Falcon”

#5 The Maltese Falcon (1941). This is perhaps Mary Astor’s most famous role, that of femme fatale Brigid O’Shaugnessy in John Huston’s directorial debut and Humphrey Bogart’s breakout role. In this film, Brigid introduces herself to Bogart’s Sam Spade as “Miss Wonderly,” but he soon figures out that she’s lying about her identity. She comes to Sam wanting help in finding out the whereabouts of her missing sister. All Brigid can say is that she came to town (San Francisco) with Floyd Thursby. Sam puts his associate, Miles Archer, on the case. Miles is murdered while investigating Thursby’s whereabouts.

Sam sets out to investigate Archer’s death, but is soon thrust into an even larger (more interesting) mystery. He goes to Brigid, now calling herself Brigid having abandoned the “Miss Wonderly” moniker, to find out more information about Thursby. Brigid confesses that she made up the story about her sister and revealed that Thursby was her partner. She also puts forth the theory that Thursby probably killed Archer. When Sam returns to his office, he encounters Joe Cairo (Peter Lorre) who is wanting help looking for a statue of a black bird.

The black bird investigation proves to be a lot more interesting, especially when it turns out that Brigid is acquainted with Joe Cairo. Sam also learns that Cairo and Brigid are part of a gang led by Kasper Gutman (Sydney Greenstreet). Wilmer Cook (Elisha Cook Jr.) is Kasper’s gunsel and eventual fall guy. The ending of the film where Sam calls Brigid out and says she was responsible for Archer’s death. This is Mary Astor’s time to shine. In the scene, she is heartbroken that Sam Spade, with whom she thought she was in love, sends her up the river. She pleads with him to not turn her over to the police, but to no avail. He “consoles” her stating that she’ll probably be out in twenty years. As she descends in the elevator, Brigid’s face is covered by the shadows of bars on the windows.

The Mismatched Couples Blogathon– Grumpy Old Men (1993) & Grumpier Old Men (1995)

Grumpy Old Men and its sequel, Grumpier Old Men, are more or less The Odd Couple 25 years later. Felix and Oscar are no longer roommates in New York City. They’re now neighbors living in the small midwestern town of Wabasha, Minnesota. Felix and Oscar are still alone, but are single and ready to mingle. The two men are polar opposites in every way, but are friends despite how incompatible they seem on the surface. They are the epitome of a “mismatched couple.”

Grumpy Old Men and Grumpier Old Men are more or less one film, as the second film continues the story a few months after the events in the first film. Grumpy Old Men spans winter and spring and Grumpier Old Men covers summer and autumn. My family always watches both these films on Thanksgiving after our annual viewing of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Grumpy Old Men features Thanksgiving and Christmas, and we’ve found we can’t watch the first film without immediately watching the other. I have always accepted the events of both films taking place over a calendar year, despite the actual films being released two years apart. Both films are chock full of mismatched couples, covering a wide span of relationship types, from friendship to romance.

Jack Lemmon and Burgess Meredith as John and John Sr.

In the Grumpy Old Men series, Jack Lemmon plays John Gustafson, a widower and former teacher living alone in his beautiful Craftsman home in Wabasha. He survives off frozen meals and canned food and doesn’t seem thrilled about it. His daughter, Melanie (Darryl Hannah) and granddaughter come to visit often. His daughter’s relationship with her husband is on the rocks, and John isn’t upset to see it fall apart. John’s father, John Sr. (Burgess Meredith) is in his 90s and spends much of his time settling feuds between John and Max. John, Sr. is the polar opposite of his son. He eats unhealthily, smokes, and uses crass language. John’s biggest struggle in this film is that he owes a large sum of back taxes to the IRS and spends much of the film trying to dodge the collector.

Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau as John and Max.

Meanwhile, John’s neighbor and exact opposite Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), also a widower, spends his time in his messy home watching television, happily eating frozen and canned food, and terrorizing John by playing pranks on him. Even Max and John’s pets are contrasting. Max’s dog is a drooling, smelly, one-eyed bulldog named Lucky who is regularly encouraged to terrorize John’s cat named Slick. Max’s son, Jacob (Kevin Pollak) is running for mayor. He is also the opposite of Melanie, John’s daughter. Aside from the obvious male/female difference, Melanie is tall, Jacob is short. He also harbored a crush on Melanie as a child and sees his golden opportunity when her marriage falls apart.

Walter Matthau and Ann-Margret as Max and Ariel.

Tensions between John and Max heat up when a new neighbor, Ariel Truax (Ann-Margret) moves to town from California. She purchases a home catty corner from John and Max. Compared to the more conservative residents of Wabasha, Ariel is a breath of fresh air and a curiosity to the other residents in town, specifically the men. She purchases all kinds of exotic homeopathic medicines and remedies from the local pharmacy–so exotic in fact that they have to be mail-ordered. Ariel paints, sculpts, cooks exotic foods, and zips around town on her bobsled. She runs outside in her leotard to make snow angels and overall has a zest for life. She always wants to take chances and risks on anything that is a new experience. John and Max both seem resigned to letting things happen to them, versus making things happen for them. The men are both enchanted by Ariel, because duh it’s Ann-Margret, so she’s also gorgeous, and try to do their best to woo her. In the end, John wins and Max is upset and disappointed.

The tension over Ariel brings to light the root cause of John and Max’s feud–after high school, John married Max’s high school sweetheart. John tries to smooth over the situation by saying that his wife ended up cheating on him and was not a prize. He further reiterates to Max that he lucked out with the woman he eventually married. However, Max is still hurt that once again, John has ended up with the woman he was interested in. Despite being opposites, Ariel’s interest in John ends up being a boon to his life as her love for life leads him to try new things and helps pull him out of his rut of loneliness that he was experiencing throughout much of the beginning of the film.

Sophia Loren as Maria

However, Max might have lost out on Ariel, but he has a happy ending yet to come in Grumpier Old Men. His polar opposite, an Italian woman named Maria Sophia Coletta Ragetti (Sophia Loren), the cousin of local resident “Spaghetti Ragetti,” opens up a “ristorante” in Wabasha. Because it’s Sophia Loren, she is of course absolutely gorgeous and turns the heads of every man (and woman) in town. She’s also of course, European, which also makes her standout in this small midwestern town. Maria arrives during the summer in Wabasha and purchases the now vacant bait shop. The bait shop’s proprietor, Chuck (Ossie Davis) had passed away during the winter, in Grumpy Old Men. Both John and Max are upset that their beloved bait shop is being converted into a restaurant. Presumably they are upset as this forces them to accept that their friend Chuck is really gone.

John and Max do their best to ruin Maria’s restaurant. They switch out her red paint with yellow while she’s repainting, they change around signage to divert drivers away from the restaurant, everything they can to ruin it. Their efforts almost succeed when Maria has no customers on her opening night; however, when Ariel hears about what they’ve done she forces them to apologize. As one can imagine, this behavior does not present Max in the most appealing light, but he eventually charms Maria into going out on a date with him. Here is this man, definitely not conventionally attractive, with this gorgeous sophisticated Italian woman. Max buys her cheap jewelry (unaware how cheap it really is), tries to cook dinner for her but ends up with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and really puts forth an effort. They keep up an antagonistic front, with Maria calling Max an “ox” and him calling her a “nag.” In the end they fall in love and their name-calling transforms into “ox” and “nag” being pet names for one another.

Despite all the differences between the various couples (friendship, family and romantic) described within this article, the core commonality they all have is love. John loves his father, John Sr. Max and John love each other despite their feud. When John has a heart attack and is hospitalized on Christmas Eve, Max is at the hospital to see him. When the nurse asks him if he’s a friend or family, Max hesitates and then says poignantly, “friend.” Ariel is at John’s beside pleading with him to stay with her. John and Max love their respective kids and each other’s kids. Melanie and Jacob eventually fall in love and elope. John and Max love their respective spouses, Ariel and Maria, despite the rocky starts both couples had. Even John Sr. finds love when he starts wooing Maria’s mother, “Mama,” (Ann Morgan Guilbert) a very conservative traditional Italian woman. At first she’s put off by John Sr.’s crass pick-up lines and innuendo, but eventually finds him charming. At the end of the Grumpy Old Men films, love triumphs over anything else.

JOHN: Moron!
MAX: Putz!

10th Annual Buster Keaton Blogathon–“Our Hospitality” (1923)

Last weekend, on February 25, I had the opportunity to see Our Hospitality, starring Buster Keaton, for the first time at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland, OR. My husband and I are members of the Hollywood and regularly see films there as we get in free with our membership. We also get free popcorn! We primarily go for one of their three classic film oriented series: Cinema Classics, Hollywood Babylon (pre-code), and their Pipe Organ Pictures (silent film).

A photo of the Hollywood Theatre that I took while waiting in line to get in!

The organ at the Hollywood Theatre

The Pipe Organ Pictures productions are a collaboration between the Hollywood Theatre and the Columbia River Theatre Organ Society (CRTOS). The CRTOS’ main mission is to preserve and promote theatre organs. Through fundraising events (such as the Pipe Organ Pictures series at the Hollywood), donations, classes, and volunteers, they’ve been able to fully restore and maintain at least two working theatre organs in the Portland, OR area–one of which lives at the Hollywood Theatre! Each Pipe Organ Pictures production features a professional musician who composes his own score and performs it live.

Buster Keaton and his loyal dog friend meet a Canfield.

Our Hospitality was the latest production featured by Pipe Organ Pictures. Buster Keaton events at the Hollywood Theatre are always packed and this one was no exception. Our Hospitality is a re-telling of the famous 19th century feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys. In Keaton’s film, the feuding families are the Canfields and the McKays. Our Hospitality also features a Romeo and Juliet storyline that occurs when a Canfield and a McKay fall in love.

The film starts in 1810, with a mother and her one year-old son, Willie (Buster Keaton, Jr.) sitting at home late at night, waiting for her husband, John McKay to come home. Except he doesn’t. During the evening, he ends up in a deadly feud with his nemesis, James Canfield, which results in the death of both men. Mrs. McKay vows to take her son away from the violence and drama and leaves for New York where her sister lives. James’ family on the other hand, vow to avenge his death. Keep in mind that neither the living relatives of the Canfields nor the McKays have any idea why they’re in a feud. All they know is that there is a feud, per tradition. In other words, this feud is pointless and dumb.

Fast forward 20 years and a now grown Willie (Buster Keaton), learns that he’s inherited his late father’s country estate. Willie pictures an opulent mansion and jumps at the chance to redeem his inheritance. Mrs. McKay has since passed and her elderly sister gives Willie the lowdown on the McKay and Canfield feud, as a means to keep him from leaving. Undeterred, Willie boards a train headed for his father’s Southern home.

I can’t get enough of this train.

The train that Willie rides is hysterical. Based on Robert Stevenson’s 1830 Rocket train, the train is tiny, with an engine in the front, a car full of wood, three passenger coaches and a caboose. The passenger coaches resemble the type of coaches that would normally be hauled around by horse. The train is hysterically small and slow. The man on the caboose alerts the engineer of potential dangers by yelling into a long horn. The track is also funny, as it moves around, is placed on top of and around landscaping, versus the land being leveled for the track. At one point, there’s a donkey close to the track and the crew opt to simply pick up the track and move it, versus dealing with the donkey. At another point, the train is completely off the track and cruising around as if it were a car. Finally, at another point, the track switch fails, and the caboose ends up in front of the engine.

While on the train, Willie meets a young woman, Virginia (Natalie Talmadge, Keaton’s real-life wife). The two form a close bond as they endure the hilarious train trip and by the time they reach their destination, they are close friends. When Virginia disembarks the train, we learn that she is part of the Canfield family. Willie, unaware of Virginia’s heritage, innocently asks a man where John McKay’s home is. That man turns out to be Virginia’s brother and he quickly figures out that a McKay is in town. Later, Virginia and Willie meet-up again and she invites him over for dinner. When he shows up, Virginia’s brother puts two and two together and informs his father and brother that their sister is seeing a McKay.

Buster Keaton and his wife, Natalie Talmadge

The remainder of the film depicts the Canfields chasing Willie and trying to kill him. The scene at the Canfields’ home is funny as father Canfield reminds his sons that it’s against family rules to kill someone inside their home. This starts a cat and mouse game where the brothers continually try to lure Willie outside. Willie picks up on the family rule and hilariously keeps getting back into the house to avoid being killed. His final escape is hysterical. Eventually the chase takes Willie and the Canfields to a mountainous terrain.

Buster Keaton’s stunts are always the highlight of his film and Our Hospitality is no exception. He has a spectacular stunt on a waterfall where he has to save the life of Virginia who will soon go over the side of the waterfall if something doesn’t happen quickly. Keaton’s waterfall maneuver actually elicited applause from the audience when it was pulled off successfully. This scene was absolutely insane. I cannot believe that anyone would do that stunt now, let alone in 1923. Though nowadays, CGI could be used to make it look like someone performed that stunt. Keaton didn’t have that luxury and completed the stunt himself.

Buster Keaton rides the velocipede.

Finally, in addition to Keaton’s stunts, this film also featured unique forms of transportation. Keaton was always interested in machines, especially in trains. Aside from the hysterical Rocket train, Keaton is also shown riding a Velocipede, which even by 1830 was outdated; but was used because it was funny. This bicycle is essentially a Flintstones version of a bicycle, in that it was powered by the rider’s feet. The Velocipede was referred to as a “pedestrian curricle,” a “dandy horse,” or “hobby horse” and was an invention that was designed to replace the horse. This invention was a response to the 1816 eruption of Mount Tambora in Indonesia, which led to massive climate changes. 1816 was known as the “Year Without Summer” in which temperatures dropped severely, causing crop spoilage and food shortages. A large population of horses died due to starvation or were killed for food and their hides. Eventually, rotary cranks and pedals were added to the Velocipede, which led to the eventual invention of the bicycle.

My Favorite Film Discoveries of 2023

Happy Valentines Day, everyone! We’re about a month and a half into 2024 now, but I didn’t want to get too far into the New Year without having talked about my favorite new discoveries of last year. Per my Letterboxd stats page, last year I watched 397 films. I really wish I’d managed to squeeze in 3 more so I’d have an even 400, but alas. Now that’s not to say that all 397 titles were unique. I tend to rewatch movies, especially my favorites. Last year’s most watched stars were Joan Blondell, Barbara Stanwyck, Loretta Young, Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant. My most watched directors were Howard Hawks, Alfred Hitchcock, Michael Curtiz, Mitchell Leisen, and William Wyler.

All in all, it was a good year for movie viewing–especially since I got to attend my first ever TCM Film Festival and had the best movie viewing experience of my life–Casablanca in Grauman’s Chinese Theater. I’d seen that movie four other times in the theater, and nothing will ever top seeing it at Grauman’s. For the record, my second best movie experience of the year was seeing Barbarella in 35mm at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland, OR. Seeing a campy movie like Barbarella with an audience that was completely entranced and loving every second, was fantastic. There was even a girl dressed like Barbarella, in a short silver dress, knee-high boots, and big hair–despite it being January in Oregon! Now that’s dedication!

Anyway, without further adieu, these are all my new watches of 2023:

• The Apple (1980)
• Appointment with Danger (1950)
• Arsene Lupin (1932)
• Ask Father (1919)
• Barbie (2023)
• Because of You (1952)
• Between Midnight and Dawn (1950)
• Big Business Girl (1931)
• Big City Blues (1932)
• Billy Blazes Esq. (1919)
• Black Angel (1946)
• Born to Be Bad (1934)
• Born to Kill (1947)
• The Boy and the Heron (2023)
• Brute Force (1949)
• Captain Carey, USA (1949)
• Carnal Knowledge (1971)
• The Children’s Hour (1961)
• China (1943)
• Cops (1922)
• Deadline at Dawn (1946)
• Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982)
• Deception (1946)
• Deep Valley (1947)
• Desert Fury (1947)
• The Desperate Hours (1955)
• The Doctor and the Girl (1949)
• Dragonwyck (1946)
• Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
• An Eastern Westerner (1920)
• Enter the Dragon (1973)
• Experiment Perilous (1944)
• Fallen Angel (1945)
• The Famous Ferguson Case (1932)
• Father Goose (1964)
• Female on the Beach (1955)

• The Five Pennies (1959)
• Flaming Star (1960)
• Flaxy Martin (1949)
• Footlight Parade (1933)
• Framed (1947)
• A Free Soul (1931)
• The Gilded Lily (1935)
• Gold Diggers of 1937 (1936)
• Grand Slam (1933)
• The Great Moment (1944)
• Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 3 (2023)
• Harvey (1950)
• High and Dizzy (1920)
• High Pressure (1932)
• Honky Tonk (1941)
• Houseboat (1959)
• The Iron Mistress (1952)
• I’ve Got Your Number (1934)
• King Kong (1933)
• Kiss the Blood Off My Hands (1948)
• Ladies in Retirement (1941)
• The Lady in Question (1940)
• The Lady is Willing (1942)
• Larceny, Inc. (1942)
• Life Begins (1932)
• The Life of Jimmy Dolan (1933)
• Love Has Many Faces (1965)
• Love Me Tender (1956)
• Make Me a Star (1932)
• The Man I Love (1946)
• The Mask of Dimitrios (1946)
• Mr. Cohen Takes a Walk (1935)
• Mr. Soft Touch (1949)
• Mrs. Parkington (1944)
• Naughty But Nice (1939)
• The Navigator (1924)
• Night Editor (1946)

• One Week (1920)
• Passion Flower (1930)
• The Petrified Forest (1936)
• Play Girl (1932)
• The Princess Comes Across (1936)
• The Purchase Price (1932)
• Race Street (1948)
• Red Light (1949)
• Rio Bravo (1959)
• Romancing the Stone (1984)
• Search for Beauty (1934)
• Second Honeymoon (1937)
• Secret Beyond the Door (1947)
• The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947)
• Shakedown (1950)
• Shane (1953)
• The Silver Horde (1930)
• Singapore (1947)
• The Sky’s the Limit (1943)
• Stand-In (1937)
• Strange Bargain (1949)
• That Touch of Mink (1962)
• There’s Always a Woman (1938)
• Tight Spot (1955)
• Traveling Saleslady (1935)
• The Unfaithful (1946)
• The Unguarded Hour (1936)
• Union Depot (1932)
• Week-End Marriage (1932)
• Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022)
• Whiplash (1948)
• Wild in the Country (1961)
• Woman in Hiding (1950)
• A Woman’s Face (1941)
• A Woman’s Vengeance (1948)

That was a lot of new movies last year, 108 in fact. I discovered a lot of new favorites and discovered some films that I never want to see again (The Apple, I’m looking at you). I’m not going to include the new films I saw, but I want to go on the record to say that Barbie, The Boy and the Heron, and Weird: The Al Yankovic Story were awesome.

Here are my Top 5 favorite new discoveries:

This is an incredibly misleading poster.

#1 Ladies in Retirement (1941). In September, Criterion Channel featured a series called “Gaslight Noir” which I took to mean film noir that took place during the Victorian era, but I think Criterion stated that it was “dark and moody film noir.” This film stars Ida Lupino, and was a movie that I’d heard about, but had never seen. I wasn’t even aware it was a film noir, the title makes it seem like it is a light-hearted film about rich women who live a life of leisure. However, that is definitely not what this movie is about. Ida plays spinster, Ellen Creed, who works as a housekeeper and live-in companion to her wealthy friend, Leonora Fiske. Ellen has two eccentric sisters who are about to be evicted from their apartment due to their behavior. Not wanting her sisters to be homeless, Ellen takes them in and convinces Leonora to let them stay. The sisters quickly wear out their welcome and Leonora demands that Ellen force them to leave. Not wanting her sisters to end up in an institution, Ellen takes matters into her own hands.

I did not expect the turn that this movie took and I absolutely loved it. I loved the setting of this remote English home that seems perpetually encased in fog. This movie had a spooky vibe to it and I just loved it. I wish that someone would put it out on blu ray.

#2 A Woman’s Face (1941). This is a Joan Crawford film noir that TCM played earlier this year. I’d heard of this film, but had never seen it scheduled. In this film, Joan plays blackmailer Anna Holm, a woman who bears a large, disfiguring scar on her face. Because of this disfigurement, Anna carries a lot of resentment and hostility towards others, which is why she has no empathy or remorse for carrying out her blackmail scams. Eventually, she gets plastic surgery from Dr. Gustaf Segert (Melvyn Douglas) to cover the scar. Without the scar to hide behind, Anna is forced to confront her insecurities, her anger over her past, and her current life of schemes and crimes.

Most of the plot unfolds through a series of flashbacks, told through witness testimony in a court trial, where Anna is being tried for murder. Joan Crawford’s performance is fantastic as her character evolves throughout the film. Melvyn Douglas is great as the doctor who provides emotional support and sees Anna for whom she really is. Conrad Veidt as an excellent villainous role as the wealthy Torsten Barring, her partner in crime as well as her lover. The ending of the film is exciting and memorable.

#3 Harvey (1950). This was a discovery for my husband and I at the TCM Film Festival. I’d heard of this film, but I just hadn’t gotten around to seeing it yet. We absolutely loved it. In this film, James Stewart plays Elwood P. Dowd, a man who by all accounts is eccentric. His best friend is an imaginary friend, a 6’3.5″ rabbit named Harvey. His sister, Veta (Josephine Hull), is absolutely embarrassed and horrified by her bother’s behavior. Elwood doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior and insists that Harvey is real. Veta eventually is so fed up that she goes down to the sanitarium to have Elwood committed and she ends up being committed herself. Harvey is expertly crafted to make the audience wonder if Elwood really is delusional and Harvey isn’t real, or is Harvey real and only Elwood can see him?

Josephine Hull won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar in the 1950 Oscars race and while I don’t know that she deserved to win over Nancy Olsen for Sunset Boulevard or Thelma Ritter for All About Eve, Hull is hysterical as Veta. She very much seems like her character from Arsenic and Old Lace, except without the murder aspect. James Stewart is the true standout performance (aside from Harvey, of course) in this film. He expertly plays Elwood P. Dowd to be friendly and likeable, there isn’t really any reason to distrust or dislike him. He seems content with his life and best friend. Peggy Dow is also a lot of fun as the nurse at the sanitarium, she’s also gorgeous as well.

#4 Shakedown (1950). Speaking of Peggy Dow, she’s in this film as well. In this movie, Howard Duff plays a cock-of-the-walk photographer, Jack Early, who will do anything to get a great photo. He manages to use these tactics to score a job at a prominent San Francisco newspaper, headed up by Ellen Bennett (Dow), the photography editor and David Glover (Bruce Bennett), the editor-in-chief. David is unimpressed by Jack’s somewhat questionable methods for getting the photos, but hires him anyway. He gives Jack the impossible assignment of getting a photograph of the face of local gangster, Nick Palmer (Brian Donlevy), a man who notoriously does not want his picture taken. Jack easily scores the photo by appealing to Nick’s ego. Appreciating Jack’s nerve, Nick takes him under his wing and tells him that the head of the rival gang, Colton (Lawrence Tierney), is planning a job. He gives Jack the time and location. He easily gets the photo and brings it back to David. Colton gets wind of Jack and hires him to pull one over on Nick. Jack continues playing both gang members against each other, all while David and Ellen start becoming more and more skeptical as to how Jack keeps scoring these amazing photos. Eventually Jack gets in over his head.

This was such a great movie. I didn’t know what to expect from it and was so impressed by all the twists and turns that the plot took. I highly recommend this film to anyone who loves a good film noir.

#5 Shane (1953). I’m not a big westerns fan, but I watched this one because I’ve recently been on an Alan Ladd kick and I’d never seen what is probably his biggest, most well known role. Ladd plays the titular Shane, a drifter who arrives at a small town in Wyoming. Most of the town is comprised of homesteaders who moved west, taking advantage of the government’s offer to give free land to people wishing to move west of the Mississippi and set-up their own homes, farms, ranches, etc. Upon arriving in town, Shane encounters Mary and Joe Starrett (Jean Arthur and Van Heflin), a couple living off of the land they received from the government. Mary and Joe also have a young son, Joey (Brandon DeWilde) who immediately admires Shane. The main conflict of the film is a ruthless cattle baron wants to use force to push the Homesteaders off their viable land, so that he can take it over and grow his cattle empire.

This is such a beautiful film. Alan Ladd was great as the mysterious stranger who comes into town, helps out some of the folks, and leaves just as mysteriously as he came. His scenes with Joey are adorable and he’s great with Jean Arthur as well. Jack Palance was great as one of the cattle baron’s men, Jack Wilson, and he has a fun showdown with Ladd at the end of the film.

Honorable Mentions: Dragonwyck (1946), Enter the Dragon (1973), Larceny, Inc. (1942), Experiment Perilous (1944), and Deep Valley (1947).

Everything is Copy Blogathon–“Take Her, She’s Mine” (1963)

Take Her, She’s Mine is part two of a trilogy of films that James Stewart made during his “grumpy dad” period. The first film, Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1963) features Stewart as the titular Mr. Hobbs, a man who takes his wife (Maureen O’Hara), children, their spouses, and their children, all on vacation at the beach. The third film, Dear Brigitte (1965) features Stewart as the father of Billy Mumy, who is in love with French film star Brigitte Bardot. The second film, penned by the husband and wife team, Henry and Phoebe Ephron (parents of Nora), features Stewart as Frank Michelson–father of “a dish” in the form of Sandra Dee.

Sandra Dee as “the dish” aka Mollie in “Take Her, She’s Mine.”

At 21, Dee is all grown up and no longer possesses the gawky frame and innocent wide-eyed face of her most famous role as Frances “Gidget” Lawrence, in 1959’s Gidget. By 1963, Dee had been married to singer Bobby Darin for three years and have given birth to their son Dodd in 1961. Dee plays Mollie, the recent high school graduate, turned college freshman. At the beginning of the film, she horrifies her father by donning a yellow bikini which shows off her curves and attracts the attention of her male classmates. Frank and his wife, Anne (Audrey Meadows), are relieved that their daughter will be attending college in New York and hopefully devoting her attention elsewhere.

Throughout the main Mollie plotline, Frank’s story is interwoven. An overprotective, nervous father, Frank is seen rushing into an emergency school board meeting which has been called to address some recent scandals with which he’s involved. The president of the Pacific Palisades Board of Education, Frank’s reputation and job are on the line. His attempt to rationalize his involvement in these scandals frame the Mollie storyline, which is presented in flashback. The first scandal involves Frank being arrested at a protest at a New York college where Mollie is attending. Like many young adults attending college in the turbulent 1960s, Mollie becomes involved in politics and adopts multiple causes. She also forms a folk act with a friend.

FRANK: How old is the punk?

MOLLIE: He’s not a punk.

FRANK: All right, how old is the non-punk?

James Stewart as “Frank Michelson” and Sandra Dee as “Mollie Michelson.”

In New York, Mollie’s activism and folk performances end up taking priority over her studies. She writes telegram after telegram to her parents informing them of her latest arrest (due to protesting) and lamenting that she’s still a virgin. Frank is concerned about Mollie’s activism leading to legal troubles and ends up traveling to New York to talk to her. There’s a funny scene in the cafe where Mollie sings where he thinks that she’s become a stripper, due to the drunken antics of a group of college boys who keep yelling at her to “take it off.” There’s also an odd performance by Jim Nabors, whose voice is inexplicably dubbed. As someone who has seen a lot of Nabors as Gomer Pyle, his dubbed voice is obvious and off-putting. Look for Bob Denver who also performs at the club. Frank then ends up joining Mollie in a protest and ends up being arrested at a sit-in when he stands up for the kids. Due to failing all her courses, Mollie is kicked out of school.

Audrey Meadows, Sandra Dee, and James Stewart in “Take Her, She’s Mine.”

Back at home, Mollie is seen painting in a bikini outside her home while she partakes in one of her hobbies, painting. Mollie’s style is abstract and doesn’t make much sense to Frank and Anne, but it catches the attention of someone with connections to a prestigious art school in Paris. Paris is where a bulk of the action of the film takes place. While in Paris, Mollie excels at her studies, but also attracts the attention of a young Frenchman, Henri (Philippe Forquet). Mollie and Henri become an item and seem to be a good match. Frank and Anne become concerned when Mollie sends a telegram stating that Henri’s painting of her is going to appear in Life Magazine. When the magazine is published, Frank and Anne are horrified that the painting appears to feature Mollie topless. Frank packs his bags and heads to Paris.

FRANK: Do you know what ‘Life’ means when they say protege?

ANNE: Welll….

FRANK: When they say protege, they’re winking. It’s their way of slipping you the dirt. When they say protege, what they’re really saying…

ANNE: Okay, Okay!

James Stewart as “Frank Michelson” and Audrey Meadows as “Anne Michelson”

There’s another storyline interwoven in the Paris segment with Henri and Mollie trying to get Henri’s parents to accept Mollie, despite her being American and not French. There’s a funny sequence where Henri, Mollie, and Henri’s parents attend a masquerade party aboard a large ship. Henri and Mollie are dressed as Marc Antony and Cleopatra, along with almost every other young couple on board. One would assume that the recent release of Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleopatra epic probably influenced a lot of Halloween costumes that year. Frank gets wind of the party and decides to attend as Daniel Boone.

On board, there’s a funny running gag with Frank’s costume literally falling apart at the seams as he tries to figure out which Cleopatra is Mollie. There’s another joke running throughout the film with various people mistaking Frank for James Stewart. Eventually Frank finds Mollie just as her and Henri’s relationship appears to be ending. Based on his actions throughout the film, one would think that Frank would be overjoyed with his daughter’s relationship ending; but he begins to realize that she and Henri had something special going. It is at this point when he has to decide whether to continue trying to protect Mollie, or finally accept that she’s a grown adult.

The newly constructed LAX airport in 1963.

While this isn’t the greatest film ever made, it is a fun piece of 1960s fluff–the perfect coming of age film to watch on a Saturday or Sunday morning, or a lazy summer afternoon. Sandra Dee’s costumes are adorable and some are quite sexy, especially when Frank imagines her as a can-can dancer in the Moulin Rouge. This film is also fun to see Paris in the 1960s and the newly constructed LAX aiport. Having just traveled through LAX in April, it’s always fun to see somewhere I’ve been in an old movie.

One of Frank’s daydreams about Mollie becoming an apache dancer in Paris.

James Stewart is quite funny as the nervous, overprotective father whose own fuddy duddy-ness and lack of knowledge about the current generation leads him to unwittingly getting involved in all sorts of scandals–including being photographed inside a Parisian brothel with one of the prostitutes on his arm. John “the butterfly collector from ‘Gilligan’s Island’ looking for the Pussycat Swallowtail” McGiver, who was seemingly in every 1960s film and television show ever made, is hilarious as one of the school board members. Sandra Dee, who is unfairly regarded as an eternally virginal goody two shoes (a la “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee” in Grease), is excellent in this film. She’s completely believable as a young woman trying to find her way in the world and learn who she is. Her frustration with her father is understandable, as well as her desire to keep him involved. She wants to be allowed to fail, but also wants her father to help her should she need it. Dee’s character runs the gamut in this film from naive, to curious, to angry, to frustrated, to optimistic, to happy, to scared, and to romantic. And let’s face it, she’s a dish too!

Betty Grable Blogathon– “Lucy Wins a Racehorse”

Horse racing was a big past time in the United States from the late-19th century until about the 1950s-1960s when it began to lose popularity; but is still popular in some areas of the country. Many classic films are centered around illegal bookmaking operations (Miss Grant Takes Richmond, 1949) or have horse racing featured as a pivotal part of the plot (The Killing, 1956). Celebrities such as Desi Arnaz, Betty Grable, Harry James, Fred Astaire, Barbara Stanwyck, Mickey Rooney, and Gregory Peck could be seen sitting in the grandstands at racetracks in Del Mar and Santa Ana. Desi and Betty were such fixtures at the Del Mar track that both have races named after them. The Desi Arnaz Stakes and Betty Grable Stakes races are still held to this day.

Lucy and Ethel walk into an unwanted visitor in the den.

Starting right after I Love Lucy’s series finale in 1957, The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour was a series of specials that Desilu produced between 1957-1960. Each of the thirteen episodes features one or more celebrity guest star. In the episode, the celebrity would get mixed up with Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball) in one of her outlandish schemes. The episodes used Ricky Ricardo’s (Desi Arnaz) celebrity and ownership of the Club Babalu (formerly The Tropicana) as an explanation as to how these celebrities come in contact with the Ricardos and Mertzes.

Betty’s love of horse racing and the horses themselves is how she becomes involved in one of Lucy Ricardo’s schemes in the fourth Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour special, “Lucy Wins a Racehorse.” In the episode, Betty and Harry are booked to perform at the Club Babalu. At the beginning of the episode, Lucy is begging Ricky for a horse. Stating that Little Ricky has been wishing for a horse for a long time. Being the logical part of the marriage, Ricky is against owning a horse due to the high cost involved. However, because it’s Lucy, she won’t take “no” for an answer. Lucy has already submitted dozens of entries (using the names of everyone she knows) for the “Korny Krinkles” cereal box-top contest. As an aside, I swear that I’ve seen these same boxes of cereal in multiple shows, but with different names. In another Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour, “Lucy Wants a Career,” Lucy gets a job as a Girl Friday promoting “Wakey Flakies” and the same boxes are shown with a different name. There’s also an episode of The Brady Bunch where Peter sells Sunflower Girl Cookies and the boxes look identical). But back to Lucy. The Korny Krinkles top prize is a racehorse.

RICKY: “Fred, do you see a horse on the stairs?”
FRED: “I don’t see anything.”
ETHEL: “What horse?!”
LUCY: “What stairs?”

Desi Arnaz (Ricky Ricardo), William Frawley (Fred Mertz), Vivian Vance (Ethel Mertz) & Lucille Ball (Lucy Ricardo)

Betty Grable shows off her gorgeous gams.

Lucy, rather Fred Mertz (William Frawley), wins the racehorse. Ricky is now out of the house, having left to go pick Betty Grable and Harry James up from the airport. The horse, “Whirling Jet,” has developed quite the attachment to Lucy. As she and Ethel (Vivian Vance) discuss how to break the news about the horse to Ricky, they walk into the Ricardos’ den to find Whirling Jet inside. Right at that time, they hear Ricky driving up and have to scramble to figure out how to hide the horse. Ricky walks in and hears a horse neighing from inside the den. Lucy successfully convinces him that he’s working too hard and is just hearing things. Ricky leaves to take a walk. Just as Lucy and Ethel are trying to walk Whirling Jet up the stairs, Ricky comes back. Betty and Harry enter quickly afterwards and have to wonder what they’ve gotten themselves into.

ETHEL (motioning toward her legs): “What’s the matter with these?”
FRED: “Nothing, only you’ve got them on upside down.”

Vivian Vance (Ethel Mertz) and William Frawley (Fred Mertz)

Ricky has invited Betty and Harry to his home to rehearse one of the numbers, “The Bayamo,” that they’re set to perform at Club Babalu. Fred takes a front seat to get a load of “those gorgeous Grable gams.” Ricky and Betty run through the number and Harry has his trumpet solo. While “The Bayamo” isn’t the most energetic number, it is entertaining. Since they are in rehearsal, maybe it was more exciting when being performed at the club. Incidentally, Desi Arnaz and Betty Grable dated in 1939, before he met Lucy. Desi was on Broadway, performing in “Too Many Girls.”

Harry James and Betty Grable walk into chaos in the Ricardo living room.

Almost immediately, Lucy goes to work getting horse lover Betty to help her figure out how to keep Whirling Jet. She suggests entering the horse in a race, saying that if he wins, the purse would be big enough to take care of Whirling Jet for his entire life. However, Harry points out that they would need to pay a considerable sum of money upfront just to get into the race–a race that Whirling Jet isn’t guaranteed to win. Ricky immediately sides with Harry and shoots down Betty’s suggestion. Still not taking “no” for an answer, Lucy motions Betty into the kitchen to get more details about her idea. Betty agrees to go along with it because she’s never too busy to pull one over on a couple of husbands.

LUCY: “Listen, there’s something I want to know, Ethel.”
BETTY: “Ethel?!”
LUCY: “Oh I’m sorry, I usually cook up my schemes with Ethel.”

Lucille Ball (Lucy Ricardo) and Betty Grable (as herself).

BETTY: “Oh by the way, Lucy and I have a little scheme and we need your help with it, Freddy boy.”
FRED: “Anything you say, Betsy girl.”
BETTY: “We thought we’d enter Whirling Jet in a trotting race and not tell that mean old Harry and Ricky about it.”
FRED: “No kiddin’.”
BETTY: “And since you’re the legal owner of the horse, we’re going to need your permission.”
FRED: “Well you have it, my dear.”
BETTY: “Oh you’re a real sweetheart” [Betty kisses Fred’s cheek]… oh and one more thing, Lucy and I are a little short on the amount we need to enter the horse, so could you chip in with a little old measly, $200?Hmmmm?
[Fred counts out $200 in cash]
FRED: “Are you sure that’s enough?…And remember if you need anymore, just call on ‘Fred-sie boy.’

Betty Grable (as herself) and William Frawley (Fred Mertz)

Betty charms tightwad Fred Mertz out of $200

Betty states that they’ll need to put up at least $300 to cover costs such as entry fee, food, trailer to transport the horse, and trainer. Betty puts up $100, leaving $200 as the amount needed. In a very funny scene, Betty uses Fred’s admiration of her and her legs to coax him into lending her $200. Lucy nearly faints witnessing Fred so eagerly offer Betty a good portion of the bank roll in his pocket. With the needed money in hand, Lucy brings Whirling Jet down to the Roosevelt Raceway in Long Island for training. After the trainer has been working with Whirling Jet for a few days, Lucy visits the track where she is informed by the trainer that her race horse is hopeless for winning the big race.

LUCY: “Betty, you’re just what I’ve been looking for–an Ethel Mertz with money!”

Lucille Ball as Lucy Ricardo.

The trainer then notices the change in Whirling Jet’s attentiveness and sees how he’s taken to Lucy. It is suggested that she take the reins and race him in the big race. After some training and a fake mustache (to hide from Ricky, obviously), Lucy is in the race! Eagle-eye viewers will notice that one of the jockeys is Sid Melton, best known as one of the Monroe Brothers in Green Acres (1965-1970) and as Sophia’s deceased husband, Sal, in The Golden Girls (1985-1992). One of the other jockeys in the episode plays the shocked driver whom Lucy and Desi pass on the narrow road in my favorite movie, The Long Long Trailer (1954).

This episode is ridiculous but is one of the better Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour episodes. It makes excellent use of its guest stars, showcasing both their talents for dancing and music as well as comedic talents. Betty Grable basically becomes Lucy’s Ethel Mertz in this episode as she is the one who not only comes up with the scheme, but is fully complicit in its execution.

CMBA Spring Blogathon, “Big Stars on the Small Screen,” Vincent Price in “The Brady Bunch”

In support of National Classic Movie Day on May 16th, the members of the Classic Movie Blog Association (CMBA) were asked to write on the topic of “big stars on the small screen.” I decided to write about one of my favorite big stars who appeared on many small screens over his impressive 60+ year career–Vincent Price. Price is best known for his horror films, such as The House on Haunted Hill (1959), Theatre of Blood (1973), and The Pit and the Pendulum (1961) to name just a few. He was also a known “foodie” and gourmet cook as well as a major art collector. Price’s love of acting and celebrity as an icon of horror films coincided nicely with his hobbies. Since obviously, he could pay for fancy food and artwork with the money earned from his acting.

Vincent Price shows Johnny Carson how to cook dinner in the dishwasher.

Vincent Price appeared on every type of television show under the sun. His voice made a very early television appearance in 1949 when he narrated a version of “The Christmas Carol.” In the 1950s, he appeared in numerous episodes of dramatic series, such as Robert Montgomery Presents and Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Price’s great voice and presence definitely lent itself well to drama, however, he was also adept at comedy. He had a great sense of camp and the absurd, I never got the sense that he took himself too seriously. In 1966, Price appeared in seven episodes of the cult classic television series, Batman, as the villain, Dr. Egghead. He also appeared in multiple episodes of Laugh-In as a guest performer. In 1975, Vincent Price made a memorable appearance on Johnny Carson where he taught Johnny how to cook an entire dinner in the dishwasher. I recommend watching this clip on You Tube, you won’t regret it.

::Cue the Tiki music::

However, it was in 1972 when Vincent Price made his greatest television appearance–Professor Whitehead in the second and third episodes of the classic 3-part Hawaii episodes in The Brady Bunch. In the first episode of the fourth season, “Hawaii Bound,” Mike is sent by his architecture firm to check on the status of a construction project. And because Mike’s boss, Mr. Phillips, is apparently the greatest boss ever, he allows Mike to take all six of his kids, his wife, and his housekeeper with him to Hawaii for vacation. When the Bradys arrive in Hawaii, it doesn’t take long for hijinks to ensue. While accompanying Mike to the construction site, Bobby finds a cursed Tiki idol. ::cue Tiki music:: (You know you hear it). Bobby, Peter and Greg later take the Tiki ::cue Tiki music:: to a local man, Mr. Hanalei, who tells the boys that the idol is cursed and brings bad luck to whomever has it in their possession.

The boys are skeptical about the superstition but begin to believe the legend when multiple members of the family have bad luck wearing the tiki ::cue Tiki music:: . Bobby sits on his ukulele and crushes it. Later, a heavy wall decoration almost crushes Bobby when Greg accidentally hits it when throwing a pillow. The next day, Alice is wearing the idol and throws her back out during a hula lesson. Then, Bobby inexplicably gives the tiki ::cue Tiki music:: to Greg to wear during the surfing contest he’s entered. During the contest, Greg is doing well, until he’s not. He wipes out and is nowhere to be seen.

Greg will regret surfing with the tiki idol ::Cue Tiki music::

Oh no! Is Greg dead? No of course not, this is The Brady Bunch! In the second episode of the arc, “Pass the Tabu,” Mike finds Greg and helps him to shore. He recovers, though presumably lost the surfing contest. The tiki ::cue Tiki music:: has fallen off Greg during his wipe-out. But never fear, it washes up on shore and Jan finds it. She places it into her bag. Later, while out sightseeing, a giant spider crawls into Jan’s bag. Jan returns the tiki ::cue Tiki music:: to Bobby. The spider also ends up in the boys’ room. At this point, Bobby is completely creeped out by the idol, convinced of its unluckiness. Peter puts the idol on and says “bad luck come and get me.” Right at that point, the giant spider has made its way out of Jan’s bag and onto Peter’s chest.

Deciding that they’ve had enough, the boys decide they need to return the tiki ::cue Tiki music::. The boys return to Mr. Hanalei to find out how to dispose of the idol and absolve themselves of its curse. Mr. Hanalei tells them that they’ll need to return it to the ancient burial ground where the idol was originally found. Greg, Peter and Bobby confide in Marcia, Jan, and Cindy about the idol and where they need to go. The next morning, they board a bus and head to the other side of Oahu. At this point, one has to wonder how much free reign the kids have on this vacation that they can literally get up and get on a bus and not expect their parents to wonder where they are, but I digress. That is not important, because it is at this point where we meet the Special Guest Star–Vincent Price!

Professor Whitehead (Vincent Price) interrogates the Brady boys about the idol.

Price is only featured briefly at the end of the second episode, but is fully featured in the third and final part of the Hawaii trilogy, “The Tiki Caves.” Price plays Professor Whitehead, a disgruntled archaeologist who was cheated out of recognition a few years prior after finding a major treasure in Egypt. When he happened upon this ancient burial cave in Hawaii, he was determined to not let that happen again. However, his paranoia has led to him becoming a bit eccentric, as well as lonely. His only companion is an oversized tiki statue whom he has named “Oliver.” When the Professor first hears the boys walking about, he stalks them and tries to scare them out of the cave, but to no avail. There’s a funny scene where the Professor puts on some feathers and a mask and pops out of a casket in front of the boys, which startles them and they take off running. However, they run further into the cave, not out.

Eventually the Professor catches up with Greg, Peter and Bobby and captures them. He ties them to tikis to try and force them into explaining why they’re in the ancient burial ground. The boys explain that they were only in the cave to return the tiki idol ::cue Tiki music:: . Professor Whitehead accuses them of finding a find he didn’t find. Throughout all of this discussion, he continues to confide in Oliver who seemingly offers him advice and consolation. Greg finally manages to wriggle free; but their escape is thwarted by Professor Whitehead and his spear.

Professor Whitehead and Oliver.

At this point, Mike and Carol have finally realized that their children are missing and have managed to coax the truth out of the girls. While they close in on the cave, Greg, Peter and Bobby have managed to convince Professor Whitehead to free them, so that they can show him where they found the idol. Obviously this is just a ruse, and the Professor figures it out when the boys obviously do not know their way around. He finally believes their story and says that he will tie them back up and escape with all the treasure he can, so that his claim isn’t usurped. Being the nice guy that he is, the Professor says he’ll send someone back for them. Before he can finish tying up the boys, Mike and Carol walk in, understandably upset that their children were kidnapped and held hostage. The tiki idol ::cue Tiki music:: is returned to the cave and all is well again.

Despite Professor Whitehead kidnapping their children, the Bradys proudly attend a luau held in Whitehead’s honor.

THEN. Mike tells Professor Whitehead that not only does he forgive Professor Whitehead for kidnapping and holding his children hostage, but all five of them will serve as witnesses and corroborate the Professor’s claim on all the treasure. And if that wasn’t enough, ALL the Bradys attend a luau being held in Professor Whitehead’s honor. Unbelievable. Mike really lives by his advice, “a wise man forgets his anger before he lies down to sleep.”

Vincent Price warns Greg that his apartment is haunted in The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.

However, this wasn’t the end for Vincent Price and the Bradys. In 1977, Price would make an appearance on what might be simultaneously the worst show and the greatest show I’ve ever seen–The Brady Bunch Variety Hour. In this episode, Greg (who has got to be in his early 20s at this point) decides that he needs to move out of the family home. The Brady Bunch’s house by the way is not their iconic home, it is this random house set constructed for the show. It is explained that Mike moved them closer to the beach after the family accepted the variety show offer. Yes. Anyway, Greg is trying to write a new song (unfortunately, it was not a reprise of his “clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew” song) and keeps being interrupted. He dramatically announces his intention to move and with the help of the Bradys’ neighbor, realtor Rip Taylor, Greg has a new pad.

Finally, I have an opportunity to post this image of Vincent Price from Theatre of Blood.

Unfortunately for Greg, his new apartment is really tacky and rundown. However, FORTUNATELY for Greg, one of his neighbors is none other than Vincent Price. It’s unclear whether Price is playing himself or playing a character named “Vincent Price,” but nonetheless he warns Greg about his apartment being haunted by the spirit of Kitty Sheehan. Despite the absurdity of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, Vincent Price is awesome per usual. This only proves how great an actor and personality Vincent Price was. It doesn’t matter what the project is, whether it’s Shelby Carpenter in Laura, The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, providing the voiceover in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” playing Dr. Egghead in Batman, acting as The Inventor in Edward Scissorhands, Edward Lionheart in Theatre of Blood, or cooking fish in the dishwasher, Vincent Price is always worth watching.

Even Vincent Price can’t believe that he’s on this show.

The Danny Kaye Blogathon- “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” (1947)

Once again, it’s down to the wire. I was planning on working on this earlier in the day, but we finally received the last information we needed for our insurance claim–so I worked on that instead. However, I am a big fan of Danny Kaye and I wanted to get this blog entry completed before the deadline. Kaye’s movies must not be easy to lease, as they seem to rarely air on TCM. As of this writing, it appears that many of Kaye’s films are streaming on Amazon Prime, so now’s my chance.

For this blogathon, I am discussing 1947’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. It was remade in 2013 with Ben Stiller and Kristen Wiig in Kaye and Virginia Mayo’s roles, respectively. I have not seen the remake, so I refrain from commenting on it. My entry will focus solely on the original adaptation of James Thurber’s 1939 short story, titled “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.”

“To the Walter Mittys of the world [Errol Flynn] was all the heroes in one magnificent, sexy, animal package.”

Jack L. Warner, My First Hundred Years in Hollywood (1965)

I just wanted to use the above quote because it was funny. So here’s my segue—While Danny Kaye isn’t Errol Flynn, it doesn’t matter because Kaye is perfect in the role of the titular Walter Mitty, an editor working at Pierce Publishing Company in New York City. Day after day, he reads pulp fiction magazines as part of his job. He also lives at home with his overbearing, bossy mother Eunice (Fay Bainter). Eunice controls every facet of poor Walter’s life, including what he wears, who he dates, what he eats, when he goes to bed, how he drives, etc. The man can’t even breathe without his mother having an opinion on it. And if that wasn’t enough, every day Eunice gives Walter a laundry list of tasks to complete, all of which he writes down in a little black book. His notes end up getting him into further trouble, since he is prone to writing down the wrong items, because he’s only half listening and daydreaming instead. One evening, instead of bringing home a cake, he brings home a rake.

Poor Walter trapped between his overbearing mother and incredibly irritating fiancée with her equally annoying dog, “Queenie.”

At work, his boss constantly micromanages him and steals his ideas. Walter also has to deal with his dingy fiancée, Gertrude (Ann Rutherford) and her mother (Florence Bates). With all the constant nagging, it is no wonder that Walter is nervous and prone to daydreaming. Walter descends into his dream world when feeling overwhelmed with his current life. Usually his dreams are triggered by a setting or someone’s talking. At the beginning of the film, while listening to Eunice drone on and on about his driving, Walter imagines himself at the helm of a sinking ship. Next, while at a meeting listening to his boss talk about a hospital themed story idea, Walter is a doctor performing a life saving operation. Later, while tending to the furnace, he’s a daring British fighter pilot during WWII. In Walter’s dreams, he is always the hero saving a beautiful blonde damsel in distress, each time portrayed by Virginia Mayo.

Danny Kaye just can’t stop dreaming

One morning while taking his usual train into New York (and probably the only peace and quiet this man has all day), Walter spots a woman that looks a lot like the woman from his fantasies. To escape a creepy man, the woman named Rosalind (Mayo) cuddles up next to Walter and pretends that he’s her beau. They get off the train and Walter realizes he is running late for work. He tries to catch a cab, but there are none available. Walter ends up spotting Rosalind in a cab and he is able to get a ride. While in the cab, Rosalind asks Walter to accompany her to meet someone at the down at the docks. He agrees, but asks to stop by his office so he can drop off some proofs.

Virginia Mayo sidles up next to Danny Kaye on the train

While at the docks, a man hides a little black book in Walter’s briefcase. The man ends up being killed. Later that evening, Rosalind invites Walter to meet her uncle Peter, who is looking for the Dutch crown jewels that were hidden during World War II. Peter explains that he used to work as a curator for a Dutch museum and that he was the one who hid the jewels and had written down the locations in a little black book. It is this little black book that a criminal, named “The Boot” is trying to locate and steal. Later that evening, Walter goes to a department store and ends up finding the little black book. Scared, Walter hides it in a corset inside the modeling department.

As the film continues, the lines between Walter’s fantasy life and his real life continue to blur. Dr. Hugo Hollingshead (Boris Karloff) is introduced as a possible villain, then seems to be a legitimate doctor. As Walter is continually questioned about his actions and statements, the people in his life begin to question his sanity–thinking that he’s losing his mind. Even the facts surrounding Rosalind, Peter, the crown jewels, Dr. Hollingshead, The Boot, all start to become unclear. Walter then starts to wonder if he’s fit to be a hero.

I could have done without this entire fantasy.

I thought that this was a very interesting film. I’d tried watching this movie at least two or three times prior but kept falling asleep. That is definitely not the fault of the film however, I just kept falling asleep. But this time I made it all the way through. I am a fan of Danny Kaye, though I can see how he might be divisive figure. He has a very specific type of humor and seemed to perform in very specific roles. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was the perfect role for Kaye. I cannot think of a performer that would be this adept at playing roles that require broad humor and slapstick. However, I could have done without at least half of the runtime of “Symphony for the Unstrung Tongue,” written by Kaye’s wife, Sylvia Fine. This number was interminable and got annoying really quickly.

Danny Kaye imagines himself as a Mississippi gambler winning the big poker match.

I loved Virginia Mayo in this film. She definitely deserves to be more well known. I’m used to seeing her as James Cagney’s girlfriend in White Heat or as Gordon MacRae’s girlfriend in the film noir, Backfire. I’ve also seen her in comedic parts like in Out of the Blue where she plays a woman who agrees to model for Turhan Bay in exchange for him letting her dog breed with his prize dog. The two end up getting involved in a crazy scheme to get back at Bay’s neighbors, George Brent and Carole Landis, using the oft-fainted body of Ann Dvorak. Mayo was paired often with Danny Kaye and I would love to see more of their collaborations.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty must have had an enormous costume and set budget, which is probably why there is some very obvious rear projection used in other non-fantasy scenes. Each of Walter’s fantasies contain different set pieces and costumes. One of Walter’s best fantasies comes on the heels of one of my favorite classic movie tropes– the random fashion show. While this fashion show is short, it is still fun. We watch as a designer unveils his latest collection of hats, each one more ornate than the last. There is a hideous black hat that looks like it was made from human hair. After the real fashion show, Walter lapses into a fantasy sequence where he unveils his latest collection of ridiculous hats, one resembling the Tower of Pisa.

I would recommend this film to anyone who enjoys fantasy-type films and/or is a fan of Danny Kaye, Virginia Mayo, Boris Karloff, and/or Fay Bainter.

WALTER MITTY: Your small minds are musclebound with suspicion. That’s because the only exercise you ever get is jumping to conclusions. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you!

Walter Mitty finally grows a backbone and tells off his mother, fiancée and boss!

The “So Bad, It’s Good” Blogathon–UHF (1989)

Once again, I’m coming in hot with a last minute blog entry. In my defense, I am traveling for work and just settled into my room and remembered that today was the last day for this event. Not wanting to miss a deadline, I am going to do my best to write something. It’s only 9:00pm Pacific Time, so I have three hours.

Daniel Radcliffe as Weird Al in “Weird: The Al Yankovic Story.”

Recently Al “Weird Al” Yankovic released a biopic about his life. Of course, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, is a parody film that spoofs all the tropes of other biopics that have come out previously. Playing Weird Al is Daniel “Harry Potter” Radcliffe, because of course, he is the obvious choice. Evan Rachel Wood (Across the Universe, Westworld) plays Weird Al’s girlfriend, an up and coming star named Madonna. Weird Al’s film is hilarious and deserving of all the praise that it has received.

Weird Al’s movie making efforts have not always gone over well–case in point, 1989’s UHF. UHF is an absolutely ridiculous movie, but ridiculous in all the best ways. It bombed at the box office due to the distributor, Orion Pictures, going bankrupt right after production completed, and because it was released during the summer. The summer is traditionally reserved for the big blockbuster films and UHF got lost in the shuffle. Orion’s financial problems led to a non-existent publicity campaign for the film. UHF also received mixed reviews. Critics complained about the style of comedy, lack of plot, lackluster gags, etc.

However, per usual, the critics are wrong. This film is hilarious.

George and Bob eat the disgusting twinkie wiener sandwich–Twinkie split lengthwise to serve as a bun, add hot dog, and spray Easy Cheese on top. Blech.

UHF tells the story of George Newman (Weird Al) who is given Channel 62, a UHF television station, after his uncle Harvey wins it in a poker match. Currently working at Burger World with his friend, Bob (David Bowe). George and Bob are fired by their boss, “Big Edna,” after George is caught daydreaming again. George’s need of a job is what motivates Harvey to unload Channel 62. George and Bob drive up to the Channel 62 station out in the middle of nowhere. They meet Pamela Finklestein (Fran Drescher), the station secretary who dreams of being an on-the-air reporter.

It’s obvious from the start that Channel 62 is failing and nearly bankrupt. The only programming consists of reruns of old television shows like The Beverly Hillbillies and Mister Ed. At this time, the post office misdelivers a package meant for their big network competitor, the VHF Channel 8. George decides to deliver the package himself in an attempt to ingratiate himself to the bigger channel. However, he is rudely tossed out of the building by the network’s CEO, RJ Fletcher (Kevin McCarthy). Outside of the station, George meets Stanley Spadowski (Michael Richards), the former janitor at Channel 8. It seems that RJ just fired him. Taking pity on him, George hires the good-natured Stanley to work for UHF 62.

George and Bob decide that to save the station, they need to come up with a variety of new, original programs, to attract viewers. Right now, I’d like to say that if there was a real station that showed all these bizarre shows, I would watch it in a heartbeat. First, George tries to host a children’s show, “Uncle Nutzy’s Funhouse.” It’s going okay until George breaks up with girlfriend Teri (Victoria Jackson), after he forgets her birthday. While hosting “Uncle Nutzy’s Funhouse,” George has a meltdown and leaves in the middle of the show. He gives Stanley permission to fill-in. Stanley’s crazy slapstick antics are hugely popular with children and he is a massive success. ‘Uncle Nutzy,’ goes away and “Stanley Spadowski’s Clubhouse” takes its place. Hoping to capitalize on Stanley’s success, George and Bob start creating the craziest shows and commercial spots.

The montage of shows being shown on Channel 62 is the funniest part of the movie. There are classic shows like “Wheel of Fish,” where contestants spin a wheel covered in real fish. The contestant will win the fish selected on the wheel and then have the option to trade the fish for what’s in the box. Usually the box is empty, which leads to the host telling the contestant that they’re “stupid, so so stupid.” Another funny show that I like is a Town Hall-style talk show, called “Town Talk.” The teaser for this week’s episodes promise, “lesbian nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight loss programs.”

Weird Al appears in a Rambo parody in “UHF.”

Other hilarious programs that they come up with: Underwater Bingo for Teens, Strip Solitaire, Bowling for Burgers, Name That Stain, The Young and the Dyslexic, Secrets of the Universe, The Lice is Right, Traffic Court, Raul’s Wild Kingdom, Fun with Dirt, Eye on Toxic Waste, just to name a few. Of course, The Beverly Hillbillies and Mister Ed are still on the schedule.

Another one of my favorite shows they have is Conan: The Librarian. In the teaser, Conan cuts a kid in half for turning his book in late and chastises another kid for not knowing the Dewey Decimal System. There’s a hilarious commercial for a spatula store called “Spatula City.”

“Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I liked the spatulas so much, I bought the company.”

“And what better way to say ‘I Love You’ than, with the gift of a spatula?”

“Spatula City. Seven Locations. We’re in the Yellow Pages under ‘spatulas.’ “

“My, where did you get that lovely spatula?”

All hilarious quotes from the Spatula City commercial.

Then, there’s Joe Earley who comes onto one of the UHF shows to demonstrate how to use various tools. He tries to demonstrate a table saw and chops off one of his fingers.

Then, if that wasn’t funny enough, then Joe makes this face and it’s even funnier.

As can be expected, Channel 62 is a runaway success as word of mouth gets around about all these crazy shows. The channel is making money hand over fist and is outperforming the bigshot Channel 8. RJ Fletcher cannot believe that a meager UHF station, let alone a meager UHF station operated by George and his former janitor, is more popular than his VHF network station. RJ presents the conflict of UHF as he is determined to find a way to shut the channel down.

This entire film is bonkers. It doesn’t make any sense. It has a ridiculous ending. But it’s a feel-good, hysterical, good-natured film. I highly recommend it.

“Buy nine spatulas and get the tenth one for just one penny!”

“Movies Are Murder” Fall CMBA Blogathon–Clue (1985)

“Communism was just a red herring.”

Tim Curry as “Wadsworth” in Clue (1985)

A movie based on a board game should not be good. I can only think of one other movie based on a board game, Battleship (2012), and since I haven’t heard about that film since it came out ten years ago, I doubt that it will stand the test of time. I don’t even think it lasted until 2013. However, a film based on a board game that has stood the test of time is Clue, made 37 years ago in 1985. While the black comedy murder mystery failed to impress contemporary audiences upon its release, it has since developed a massive cult following. The film’s incredibly quotable dialogue has seamlessly integrated itself into everyday lexicon–or maybe just mine.

The 1992 version of Clue. This is the one that I had!

Clue, the board game, asks players to solve the murder of Mr. Boddy, the owner of the mansion in which the action of the game takes place. The answer to the murder lies inside an envelope placed in the center of the board. Players can assume the role of one of the mansion’s guests: Miss Scarlett, Colonel Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mr. Green, Mrs. White, and Professor Plum. A die is rolled and a player moves throughout the mansion, moving in and out of the mansion’s many rooms (Lounge, Dining Room, Kitchen, Ballroom, Study, Library, Billiard Room, Conservatory, and Hall). Players can also utilize the secret passageways that are present in each of the corner rooms. The secret passageway allows the player to move diagonally, from one corner to another. Upon entering a room, a player is allowed to make a suggestion. The player must make a suggestion and name a guest as the murderer and identify the murder weapon (lead pipe, knife, wrench, revolver, rope, and candlestick). The location of the murder is related to the room where the player resides. If the player states, “I think it was Miss Scarlet in the Conservatory with the lead pipe,” the person to the player’s left then has an opportunity to disprove the player’s suggestion by secretly displaying one of the matching cards in their hand. The player can then discreetly eliminate the room, guest, or weapon that was displayed by marking it on their clue sheet. If the player to the left cannot disprove, it is up to the next player to disprove the suggestion. If they cannot disprove the suggestion, it’s up to the next player, and so on. If nobody can disprove the suggestion, the player can then make an accusation. If none of the players can disprove the accusation, the player can reveal the contents of the envelope. If they are correct, they win the game.

The Clue movie takes the basic premise of the board game and gives it a slightly different spin. The film is set during the mid-1950s in Washington DC during the Red Scare. It is a dark, stormy night as six guests try to make their way to a mansion in the middle of nowhere. The cars of each guest match the color of their character’s pawn in the board game. Upon the guests’ arrival, they are given pseudonyms by Wadsworth, the Butler, and Yvette, the Maid. Wadsworth and Yvette are the only original characters added to the cast of main characters. The six guests’ pseudonyms align with the names of the guests from the board game. Right off the bat, one of the reasons that Clue is so awesome is that it has an All-Star cast:

Actor	Role	Known For (as of 1985):
Tim Curry	Wadsworth	Rocky Horror Picture Show, Annie, Legend
Colleen Camp	Yvette	Smile, Apocalypse Now, Valley Girl
Eileen Brennan	Mrs. Peacock	The Last Picture Show, The Sting, Murder by Death, Private Benjamin
Madeline Kahn	Mrs. White	What’s Up Doc?, Paper Moon, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein
Christopher Lloyd	Professor Plum	One Flew Over a Cuckoo’s Nest, Taxi (TV), Back to the Future
Michael McKean	Mr. Green	Laverne and Shirley (TV), This is Spinal Tap
Martin Mull	Colonel Mustard	Mr. Mom, Mary Hartman Mary Hartman (TV), Fernwood 2 Night (TV)
Lesley Ann Warren	Miss. Scarlet	The Happiest Millionaire, Victor/Victoria, Songwriter, Mission Impossible (TV)

After the guests all arrive, a seventh guest, Mr. Boddy (Lee Ving) shows up. Wadsworth reveals that it was Mr. Boddy who was responsible for sending the invitations that led to the guests’ arrival at the mansion. It turns out that Mr. Boddy has obtained some incriminating information on each guest and plans to blackmail them. Each guest is accused of the following scandal:

Miss Scarlet	Is a Madam, runs an underground brothel in DC.
Miss Peacock	Has been taking bribes on behalf of her husband, a Senator.
Mrs. White	Murdered her husband, a nuclear physicist.
Professor Plum	Lost his medical license due to having an affair with a patient.
Colonel Mustard	Suspected of being one of Miss Scarlet’s clients and is also a war profiteer who sold plane parts on the black market, which led to many deaths.
Mr. Green	Is gay. This isn’t a title he’s ashamed of, but would lose his job at the State Department if it were discovered.

After this news is revealed, Wadsworth informs the guests that the police have been notified and will arrive in 45 minutes. Mr. Boddy gives each of the guests a weapon (one of the six weapons from the board game). He teases them with the weapons, saying that one of them should murder Wadsworth, who has a key to the front door, allowing for their escape and subsequent freedom. The light is then turned out, a moan and gunshot are heard. The light comes back on and Mr. Boddy is found supposedly dead. The guests then begin wandering around the mansion, trying to investigate the death of Mr. Boddy. We see the guests move from room to room, just like in the board game. The rooms in the film even resemble the board game. Somebody played a lot of Clue while designing these sets.

The whole time I watch this movie I am always fascinated with how Miss Scarlet’s dress stays up.

As the film wears on, more bodies turn up and is becomes obvious that one of the eight people in the house is the murderer. It is worth noting that when the policeman shows up to respond to Wadsworth’s call, it is exactly 45 minutes from when Wadsworth made the call. As the film wears on, other people such as a stranded motorist and a singing telegram girl show up and are soon added to the body count. There is a hilarious scene where the guests try to alleviate the policeman’s suspicion by pretending to be making out with the dead victims. As The Chords’ “Sh-Boom” plays, Miss Scarlet and Professor Plum pretend to make out next to the booze soaked, drunk, passed out (dead) motorist. Mrs Peacock pretends to be the arms of the (dead) cook caressing Colonel Mustard and Mrs. White makes out with (dead) Mr. Boddy on the couch. The policeman is satisfied, saying “these are just folks having a good time!” By the end of the film, there are six victims. Speaking of the end of the film, there is a hysterical sequence in which Wadsworth breathlessly takes the guests (and the audience) through all the events of the film as he works to reveal the culprit behind all the murders.

Upon the film’s original release, the filmmakers created three possible endings, hoping that the audience will see the film multiple times to see all the endings. This plan did not work, as audiences did not feel the need to see in the film multiple times. In my opinion, the only way to see Clue is with the “All three endings” option enabled on the DVD. For the record, the third solution with Mrs. White’s amazing “Flames on the side of my face” speech is the best ending of the three.

Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White is absolutely hysterical in this film. One of the funniest parts of the film (aside from “flames on the side of my face”) is when she talks about her husband and how she’s not a black widow:

COLONEL MUSTARD: How many husbands have you had?
MRS. WHITE: Mine or other women’s?”
COLONEL MUSTARD: Yours
MRS. WHITE: Five
COLONEL MUSTARD: Five?!
MRS. WHITE: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.
COLONEL MUSTARD: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.
MRS. WHITE: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Martin Mull as “Colonel Mustard” and Madeline Kahn as “Mrs. White” in Clue (1985)

MRS. WHITE (explaining why she’s paying the blackmailer): I don’t want a scandal, do I? We had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was a lunatic. He didn’t actually seem to like me much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
MISS SCARLET: Why would he want to kill you in public?
WADSWORTH: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
MISS SCARLET: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?
MRS. WHITE: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn’t you say?

Madeline Kahn as “Mrs. White,” Lesley Ann Warren as “Miss Scarlet,” and Tim Curry as “Wadsworth” in Clue (1985).

MISS SCARLET: Do you miss him?
MRS. WHITE: Well, it’s a matter of life after death. Now that he’s dead, I have a life.
WADSWORTH: But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
MRS. WHITE: But that was his job, he was an illusionist.
WADSWORTH: But he never reappeared.
MRS. WHITE: He wasn’t a very good illusionist.

Lesley Ann Warren as “Miss Scarlet,” Madeline Kahn as “Mrs. White” and Tim Curry as “Wadsworth” in Clue (1985).