The Great Muppet Guest Star Caper– Florence Henderson

I love the Muppets. The Muppet Movie (1979) is hilarious. I love The Great Muppet Caper (1981). I maintain that The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) is the best version of the Charles Dickens tale ever committed to celluloid. However, I will admit ignorance when it comes to the actual Muppet television program. Growing up in the 90s and 00s, I don’t remember The Muppet Show ever being rerun on TV. Maybe it was and I just missed it. I don’t know. Apparently now it’s streaming on Disney+ but I’ve been too busy re-watching my favorite episodes of The Simpsons and haven’t watched it yet. I think the only part of The Muppet Show I am familiar with is the theme song.

“The Fake Jan” Geri Reischel, Florence Henderson, Robert Reed, and Christopher Knight in the amazing yet terrible yet awesome “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.”

So with my unfamiliarity with The Muppet Show out of the bag, it should come as no surprise that I had no idea that Carol Brady, aka Florence Henderson, guest starred on the 1970s television program. One 1970s program that I DO know that Florence guest-starred on is The Paul Lynde Halloween Special (1976). Now THAT is truly something to behold. Besides Florence and Lynde, Margaret Hamilton (!), Billie Hayes (who I was unfamiliar with but apparently she was on H.R. Pufnstuf, a show that I have seen back in the early days of TVLand. I didn’t get it at all), Roz “Pinky Tuscadero” Kelly, Betty White (!), Billy Barty, Tim Conway (!), Donny and Marie, and… KISS! I watched this special for free on Amazon Prime a couple years ago and I can honestly say that I have never seen anything else like it. On the special, Florence sang “That Old Black Magic.” She is also one of the few cast members of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour (a show that is simultaneously the greatest and worst thing I have ever seen) who wasn’t completely out of their element and was good.

Here is Florence’s bad wig from season 1.

Florence Henderson is best known as Carol Brady, everyone’s favorite 70s TV mom, on The Brady Bunch (1969-1974). Usually in kid-oriented sitcoms, the parents are often lame at best. Or if they aren’t lame, they’re just…there. There to dispense wisdom. There to discipline. There to parent their kids but usually completely devoid of any type of interesting personality or shenanigans. However, The Brady Bunch is different. Yes, the show can be corny at times and maybe unrealistic, but I don’t care. I like it. The Brady Bunch has a charm about it that makes it infinitely re-watchable. One of the best aspects of The Brady Bunch, in my opinion, is that the parents, Mike and Carol Brady, both seem to have lives outside of their six kids. They even seem to ::gasp:: have a sex life, an aspect of their relationship lampooned to hilarious effect in The Brady Bunch Movie (1995). Florence made a cameo appearance in The Brady Bunch Movie as Carol Brady’s mother. No doubt Grandma Florence made for a hotter grandmother than she did when she played her own grandmother, Grandma Hutchins, in one of my least favorite episodes of the show, “You’re Never Too Old,” which aired in 1973.

In the first season of the show, Florence donned a poofy blonde bubble wig as her own hair had been cut very short. Prior to being cast on The Brady Bunch, Florence had chopped her hair very short to appear in a play. By season two, Florence’s hair had grown to an acceptable length and she could ditch the silly bubble wig. This is why Carol’s hair seems to change from a light almost peroxide blonde to a dark dishwater blonde. In the first season, Carol played more of a typical housewife and was submissive to Mike’s decisions. However, unlike many sitcom moms, Carol had to take on the task of getting six kids to get along–six kids who had just become step-siblings due to their respective parents’ recent marriage. Early episodes featured common themes like boys versus girls, such as the girls wanting their own clubhouse when the boys won’t share, or the girls and boys needing to learn how to cooperate and compromise when it comes to spending their trading stamps.

Carol and Mike had an actual romantic relationship outside of parenting their kids which I appreciated.

By season two however, the Carol Brady character really got rolling and frankly became much more interesting. While she was still a housewife (a plot point Florence Henderson hated, as she wanted Carol to be employed), Carol was presented as having hobbies and outside activities. Carol was part of the PTA. She was also part of an anti-smoking committee, which was briefly in jeopardy when a pack of cigarettes fell out of oldest son Greg’s jacket. Carol was at the helm of the “Save Woodland Park” committee, which was organized when it became known that the local park was at risk of being closed and developed into office space. Some of Carol’s hobbies include sculpting, embroidery, and writing. Her writing hobby culminated with her being asked to write an article about her family for Tomorrow’s Woman Magazine.

I wish I could find a screenshot of Carol’s hilarious face from “Getting Greg’s Goat,” but I couldn’t. This shot is from that episode. I also think Carol’s hair looked best in season 5 and I love her yellow dress with the teal beads.

One of my favorite aspects of Carol’s character was that she and Mike seemed to make time for romance, despite having six children. Carol regularly dons frilly nightgowns, a character trait that Florence herself requested. She wanted Carol to be sexy and fun. No long sleeved, high-necked flannel nightgowns for her. In another episode, Mike and Carol make plans for a romantic getaway. Carol comes up with different costumes to suit the ever-changing locale. She puts on a cute red and purple snowsuit when she thinks they’re going to a mountain cabin, then switches to a bikini when she thinks they’re going to the beach. Later, she trades the bikini in for a cowgirl outfit when they decide to go to a dude ranch. However, that all goes out the window when “Most Popular Girl” Jan announces that her acceptance speech is the same evening they’re supposed to leave for the weekend. I took all of Carol’s different costume ideas to mean that she likes to dress up for her husband. Carol and Mike also seem to love and respect one another and they’re both intelligent. I cannot tell you how tired I am of sitcoms with the dopey husband whom the wife has to baby like he was one of her children.

I always loved when The Brady Bunch had random dance scenes like when they do The Charleston, and in another episode they do a square dance. And let us not forget the potato sack race!

While “Carol” isn’t my favorite character on The Brady Bunch (that would be either Marcia or Greg), she definitely has some great moments on the series.

1. Getting Greg’s Goat (October 19, 1973). Carol Brady’s funniest scene in the entire series is the look on her face when she catches Greg and “Raquel” the goat in her linen closet and then learns that Mike has known about the goat the entire time. She shoots daggers at Mike with her eyes then retreats to tend to the emergency PTA meeting being held at their home. The PTA is meeting to discuss the recent mascot stealing incidents between Westdale and Coolidge High. Raquel is Coolidge High’s mascot and guess who stole it? Oops.
   
2. The Show Must Go On (November 3, 1972). Marcia has signed herself and her mother up to appear in the “Family Frolics Night” at Westdale High–much to Carol’s chagrin. But after some coaxing, Carol agrees. She and Marcia perform a delightful rendition of “Together, Wherever We Go” from Steven Sondheim’s score for Gypsy. Florence Henderson is in her element and Maureen McCormick (Marcia) holds her own.
   
3. The Voice of Christmas (December 19, 1969). I’m not the biggest fan of many of the first season episodes, because the kids are just so young. A lot of their problems are just annoying. But there is no doubt that this episode is definitely among one of Carol’s (and Florence’s) best moments on the show. In the episode, Carol is tapped to sing at the family’s Christmas church service. However, a few days before her performance, she comes down with a case of laryngitis. Things are looking grim, until Cindy asks Santa to give her mom her voice back for Christmas. Yes, this episode is sappy to the nth degree, but what’s a good Christmas episode without a lot of sappy sentimentality? Spoiler Alert! Because this is The Brady Bunch, of course Carol gets her voice back and she’s able to perform a beautiful version of “O Come, All Ye Faithful.” Carol would repeat this performance (so to speak) in 1988 when she holds a vigil outside of a collapsed office building where Mike is trapped in A Very Brady Christmas TV Movie.
   
4. The Fender Benders (March 10, 1972). Carol gets into a fender bender in the supermarket parking lot when she and Mr. Duggan (aka Uncle Fester aka Jackie Coogan) back into one another. They initially agree to fix their own vehicle and call it a day. However, Mr. Duggan decides to extort money from Mike and Carol and arrives at their home to request more money, stating that the damage was worse than he claimed. Then of course, Mr. Duggan makes some sexist statements about women drivers. Mike and Carol refuse to pay Mr. Duggan any more money. He announces his intention to sue. Of course, he shows up at the civil trial donning a neck brace. This episode features excellent Carol moments such as when she refutes Mr. Duggan’s claims that she’s frail.
   
5. Never Too Young (October 5, 1973). Forget about the main “Bobby might have caught mumps from Mary Ingalls” storyline. The best part of this episode is when Carol and Mike sing “I Wanna Be Loved By You” for their upcoming 1920s party and later, the family practices The Charleston in the living room, complete with fringed flapper gowns, full length bearskin coat on Mike, long necklaces, headbands, and all that other razzmatazz. Let me tell you, when The Brady Bunch commit to something, they do not screw around. Case in point, the dunking booth that Mike supposedly built for the upcoming school carnival. The entire cast, especially Florence, look like they’re having so much fun dancing.

Honorable Mention: In What Goes Up? (December 11, 1970), Florence calls Peter, “Chris.” Peter is played by Christopher Knight. I always thought that was funny. Barry Williams aka Greg, follows up Florence’s gaffe by calling Jan “Eve” aka Eve Plumb, Jan’s portrayer’s real name.

I love The Brady Bunch. I love Florence. I was honestly very sad when she passed away on Thanksgiving in 2016. It felt like I’d lost my own family member. In fact, after she passed, I went back to my house (I was staying at my parents’ house for the holiday) to retrieve my Brady Bunch DVDs so I could honor Florence’s memory. And that was how I discovered that my basement had flooded. Initially I wasn’t planning on going to my house after getting off work. Without needing to get my Brady Bunch DVDs, my basement could have been flooding for days.

It would be very remiss of me if I neglected to mention Florence Henderson’s iconic Carol Brady shag haircut. It’s very 1970s, but I don’t think it’s her worst look. The bleached blonde bubble wig wins that award.

The Fake Teenager Festivus- Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990-2000)

32 years ago, on October 4, 1990, one of the all-time best teen soaps, Beverly Hills, 90210, premiered on the then-newish Fox network. However, during its first season, ‘90210’ (as it became known), was not originally intended to be a soap. The first season focused on the Walsh twins, Brandon (Jason Priestley) and Brenda (Shannen Doherty) and their culture shock moving from Minneapolis, Minnesota to the affluent Beverly Hills, California zip code. Obviously, the Walsh parents Jim (James Eckhouse) and Cindy (Carol Potter), weren’t doing too shabby themselves if they could afford a home in Beverly Hills. However, it it established that in Beverly Hills, there’s well-off like the Walshes, and there’s really well-off, like all of Brandon and Brenda’s classmates who also attend West Beverly Hills High School.

The original cast of “Beverly Hills, 90210.”

Right off the bat watching season 1 of Beverly Hills, 90210, it’s obvious that the “kids” in this show are not kids. When I watched this show when it was new, I didn’t really notice how old the teenagers looked. However, that’s probably because I was in elementary school when the show started. I recently re-watched the first three seasons (haven’t gotten further than that yet, but I might start it up again!) after Luke Perry’s tragic passing (RIP Dylan!) and it is so obvious that these people are NOT in high school. Some of the actors are a little more believable than others. In 1990, Priestley was 21, Doherty was 19, Jennie Garth was 18, Tori Spelling and Brian Austin Green were 17…then the heavy hitters, Ian Ziering was 26, Luke Perry was 24, and Gabrielle Carteris was 29 (!). The teenage characters, save for David, were supposed to be 16 and juniors in high school. David is established as being a year younger, but would skip a grade in season 3 and graduate with his friends. In season 2, the characters repeat their junior year, presumably to keep the high school years rolling a little bit longer.

However, I choose to justify their age discrepancies by focusing on how much each character endured during their time on the series. Anyone would look haggard after all that they went through.

Brandon Walsh is all around a nice guy. But he can also be a self-righteous, judgemental prick. He is not without his flaws however. He becomes acquainted with bad girl Emily Valentine who introduces him to U4EA at a rave. U4EA is a 90210-term for ecstasy. Brandon gets high and ends up needing to have Dylan take him home. Later Brandon gets in deep with a bookie after losing numerous sports bets and he goes through many many girlfriends, eventually ending up in a love triangle with Dylan and Kelly. Unlike his friends, Brandon works at the Peach Pit in order to have pocket money.

Iconic credits sequence after the season 2 re-branding.

Brandon’s sister Brenda doesn’t have it as easy as Brandon. It’s established that she cannot pass her driver’s test to save her life, so she has to rely on rides from her brother and friends. Brenda is in a very tumultuous on-off-on-off again relationship with Dylan. Her father, Jim, thinks that Dylan is a bad influence and tries everything in his power to keep them apart. Everything he does is in vain however, and eventually Brenda ends up stuck in Mexico after sneaking away to meet Dylan in Baja and forgetting her ID. For the record, Brenda lies to Dylan about having permission to be in Baja. He was going on his own whether she was there or not. Brenda ends up breaking up with Dylan at the end of season 2 because their relationship is moving too quickly for her. During season 3’s “Summer of Deception,” Brenda ends up hooking up with Rick (Dean Cain) in Paris, while pretending to be Frenchwoman, “Brenda DuBois.” Meanwhile, Dylan and Kelly spend the summer canoodling at the beach club. This entire thing comes to a head in the greatest moment of the entire series when Brenda and Rick run into Dylan and Kelly at the same restaurant. Other events that happen to Brenda include becoming enamored by her cardio funk instructor, pretending to be “La-voyne” the waitress at the Peach Pit, being robbed at gunpoint one evening while working at the Peach Pit and going through a breast cancer scare.

Brenda quickly befriends Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth), one of the most popular girls in school. However, it is also established that she gained some of her popularity by sleeping around. Kelly does try to reclaim her reputation and improve it by being a little more selective, with varying degrees of success. Poor Kelly goes through a lot during her ten years on the show. At the beginning of the series, Kelly is presented as being promiscuous. It is later revealed that she was taken advantage of by a classmate and she is nearly raped again at the Halloween party when she was struggling with her self-esteem. She is the ex-girlfriend of Steve Sanders and childhood classmate of Dylan McKay, whom she memorably becomes involved with during the “Summer of Deception.” Kelly’s mother, Jackie, is an ex-model and also an alcoholic and cocaine addict. Her father is MIA. During the series, Kelly struggles with an eating disorder, joining a cult, being burned in a fire, becoming a cocaine addict, being raped and shooting her rapist in self-defense, having amnesia, and suffering a miscarriage. Kelly, Donna and David would eventually all live together in a sweet condo on the beach.

The amazing “Donna Martin Graduates” sequence from season 3.

Kelly’s best friend throughout the series is Donna Martin (Tori Spelling) who is also popular but is religious and very set on staying a virgin, much to her longtime boyfriend, David Silver’s (Brian Austin Green), frustration. David’s frustration will lead to him losing his virginity to a woman in the back seat of Babyface’s limo, which hurts Donna. The “Will They or Won’t They?” storyline of David and Donna gets pretty annoying, but eventually in season seven (I think), they seal the deal–I’m sure much to the chagrin of Donna’s shrewish mother, Felice. Donna also faces the drama of being drunk at the senior prom (David’s dad having given the kids champagne before hand) and risks not being allowed to graduate. This event begins one of the greatest moments of the series, with “DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!” being chanted again and again by students protesting Donna’s expulsion from school. Donna would have her share of troubles including being on/off again with David, being in an abusive relationship, and attempted rape.

Donna’s boyfriend David, started out as the dorky younger classmate who had a crush on Donna. He constantly tried to prove himself to her and her friends, eventually earning an “in” into the group. His friend, Scott Scanlon, suddenly didn’t fit in. Making matters worse was Scott accidentally shooting and killing himself at his birthday party. David felt guilty, but Scott was soon never mentioned again. Eventually, David’s dad and Kelly’s mom married each other and had a child. Throughout all of this, David desperately wanted to become a rapper, even joining Steve Sanders Management Group for representation. After only a few gigs at the beach club and a failed record deal, David presumably dropped Steve as his manager. Later, I seem to recall him managing some sort of club and he has a hit song at some point. David and Donna would also run the West Bev DJ booth during their time in high school. Also at one point, David becomes addicted to meth and is only saved from jail time by Dylan who forces him to flush his stash down the toilet.

Speaking of Dylan McKay (Luke Perry), while he is popular, he is also very mysterious and also somewhat of a loner. Dylan’s mother abandoned him and his father and lives in Hawaii. Dylan’s father, Jack McKay (who fakes his death in season 3), is always involved in various illegal activities and is scarcely to be found for the first two and a half seasons. On Dylan and Brenda’s first date, Dylan has an altercation with his father which culminates with Dylan having an emotional breakdown on the sidewalk and breaking a flower pot. He mostly lives by himself at the BelAge Hotel. Dylan’s father did at least leave him with a good nest egg to live off of, as Dylan doesn’t work, drives a sweet Porsche, and can afford the hotel bills at the luxury hotel. Later Dylan would move into a sweet bungalow. Who wouldn’t want a high school boyfriend who lives alone in his own home?

A screenshot from the greatest moment in the entire 10-year run of the series: When Dylan and Kelly run into Brenda and Rick at the restaurant. If only I could find a photo of Brenda’s face in this moment.

Luke Perry is lampooned often for his forehead wrinkles, but I would justify it by saying that Dylan lived a rough life. His father faked his own death. Dylan is also an alcoholic and later has a drug addiction. Then, he is fleeced out of his fortune by his half-sister’s mother and her fiance. Dylan then hires a hitman to avenge his father’s death, but falls in love with Toni, the daughter of his father’s killer. However, Toni’s father hates Dylan, and arranges to have him killed by shooting him when he gets into his car. However, Toni gets into the car instead and is killed in a hail of gunfire. My point is, leave this man and his forehead wrinkles alone, he’s been through a lot. Plus, he’s hot so who cares?

Another part of the gang is Steve Sanders (Ian Ziering) another friend of Brandon’s and former ex-boyfriend to Kelly. He is the Zach Morris of West Bev, always trying to make a quick buck, always trying to scam people. He is a jock and part of the in-crowd but is a bit of a jokester, a ladies man, and drives a Corvette. His big storyline at the beginning of the series is that he was adopted and desperately wants to find his birth parents–even going on a Christmas pilgrimage to New Mexico to find them. His adopted mother, Samantha Sanders, is a famous television actress who is never home for her son. Steve is always falling short due to his own bad decisions and then always has to scramble to try and make things right. He barely graduates after having been expelled for using the school computers to change his grades. Not all hope is lost for Steve however, he eventually turns it around, even having a steady girlfriend (and I think later, wife?) named Janet.

Andrea Zuckerman. Student or Teacher? The constant charade of having to pretend you live in Beverly Hills and not Van Nuys would age anyone.

Finally, there’s Andrea (pronounced Awn-dree-a) (Gabrielle Carteris) who looks like everyone’s teacher, not classmate. Frankly, this girl is always stressed because she desperately wants to attend Yale–her entire high school slate of activities revolves around formulating the perfect resume to get into Yale. She’s also the editor of the West Beverly Blaze newspaper, a project she puts her entire heart and soul into, as if she were running the Washington Post! She is also hopelessly in love with Brandon, despite him only seeing her as a friend. She even goes as far as offering herself as a gift to him when she thinks he’s moving back to Minnesota. Later at their senior prom, Brandon and Andrea find themselves alone together in a hotel room–only to decide to remain friends. And if all of this isn’t enough, Andrea is later a victim of a hit and run accident! Eventually, Andrea gives up her dream of going to Yale University and instead attends California University. It must be a huge blow to your ego to end up at the same college as Steve Sanders–the person who was almost expelled from West Bev for changing his grades on the school computer. Andrea eventually ends up pregnant during college and moves away. All of this drama, plus having to hide the fact that she really lives in Van Nuys, no wonder Andrea looks like she’s almost 30.

Regardless of how “old” everyone looks, this is still one of my favorite night-time soaps. I used to watch this show with my parents every Wednesday night, along with Party of Five. I also watched Melrose Place, the 90210-spinoff, that aired on Monday nights. 90210 definitely wore out its welcome and probably should have been canceled long before season 10, when barely any of the original characters were on the show; but it was still fun to watch. What ridiculous thing could possibly happen this week? They don’t make shows like this anymore.

Be still my heart! RIP Luke Perry!!